When I hit university, and my jobs post university; I was amazed that people had lives outside of school and work. I didn’t understand it, when I was done a day of grade school, I came home to listen to music and write.
All the people around me were hooking up, going to each other’s houses and going shopping, while I naturally did life by myself. I wasn’t invited, or if I was, I would shy away. Or people never thought to invite me “I wasn’t that type of person.”
I say this because being offered a social life was such a change in my life. When someone wants me over every night to hang out with them, in a dating or friendship situation I begin to get lost. I need to run home to write and relax and talk to my cats.
Instead of playing with people all weekend, I do meet up with friends on a Saturday morning, I like to take the weekend to find my centre, after a week of work and spending 9 hours with the hundred or so people at my work.
Friends ask me out on Sundays, but despite the whole leaving the house to do the laundry, and occasionally driving myself crazy, I won’t go out on Sundays, but I like to sit here, in my bed, and write.
So in relation to the last post I wrote, this need to be by myself, and low self esteem, people saying “oh friendships, love, just happens" was some sort of bullshit I didn’t understand and I thought everyone hated me. I didn’t realize I was just being me and people were just reacting to me being a hermit. I didn’t put it out there that I wanted to play and very few people asked. So I'm not avoiding you, I don't hate you, sometimes my world is clearer alone.