Last night there was another dream about the past. About making it to work, to the hotel, on time. It’s stressful and although I don’t know how to stop dreaming about the past- cold (tofu) turkey; I can look forward in my waking hours.
I’ve always wanted to have dreams of the future, but am plagued with memories of the past, past jobs, past feelings, past activities. I have spent the last 20 years exploring my past, trying to understand it, trying to heal it.
I don’t think I need to do that anymore. I can stop focusing on the past and look to the future. Stop looking and listing all the things in the past that hurt, that worked, that didn’t work, and focus on the future.
Make a list of things that I want to do, want to be, want to go, want to work at how I want to live the rest of my life. It makes sense I can’t see forward, while looking back so far.
There are lists and pictures, wishes and dreams of places I want to go and the person I want to be. I’m ready to go forward.