Wednesday, December 21, 2016


I went searching
for my dying voice
it was hard to find
muscles broken and heart soiled

I found that place
Above the heart
Where we sit like strangers
On a fast beating train

We are free
Passing Regal castles
That broke down decades ago
red carpet, secret passages, and golden statues

Inside my throat are fireflies
When I laugh with you; they flutter
to the last few notes
I play on the piano of memories

We translated from paper
The black spots on the page
Into clear spring air
Into love and ideas, there, and then gone

Unseen as the wind
Passes over my chapped hands
But heard like a message
Landing hard on our ears and mind

I went searching
For my waking voice
Not afraid to look
At the music and sing.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

All in a Winters Day

Windowless, the outside, rain falls
Summerless, the snow fades
Races down mountains
And raises the eyebrows of the ocean

Roads, iced, with falling and rising
Of temperatures -14 to +14 all in a day
The castles in the hills block the sun
And the child skates in the road

Comfy boots, mittens, and hats
Mom dresses me like she does the Christmas tree
Reflective, merry and bright

In the darkness of this season.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

And the page turns

 Frosty 2011
Carla asked me today why “all of a sudden” I wanted to do this.

I sit on my butt for 8 hours a day, then sit on my butt to sing, and then to write in the morning and in the evening. I’m not young I’m forty and walking to and from work doesn’t seem to be enough to keep me in shape. I’ve always been active until the last couple years. I set up ball rooms at the hotel and was on my feet all day with catering as well. I used to say you’d never see me at a call centre. But here I am. 

I’ve always put being active and starving myself first until I started getting very emotional after I did physical activity and put my singing and mental health first. I got fat but I was happy. I eat the food I want to and am happy. But I’m used to being in shape; skipping down the hall and jumping up and down when I’m excited and not being out of breath or having me wonder if the people around me are wondering what the fat lady is doing. I weighed 225 the last time I was weighed at the Dr’s. She didn’t say anything about it but she could have.

I’m frightened but excited. I know how I learn and how out of shape I am and that there is not an inkling of a desire to want to do a burpee. I firmly believe that I will need to be tricked in physical fitness. And nutrition.

I don’t want to be hungry, sore, overwhelmed and cranky. That being said I’m dedicated and work really hard at what I want to achieve. I write and sing almost every day. And love knowing that I’m getting better and stronger.

My current revolving goal is to be able to run the centennial trail route I did a few years ago and Carla wants me to do boot camp in February. I don’t need to be 130 Again but I need to be healthy and happy.

I need to watch my diet a little more carefully.
I like stretching and music.
I want to know what an hour with you would be like
I want to know how much you can help with my diet.
I want to know what you are like as a trainer.
I want to know if twice a month will work; I don’t have much money
I want to know if there are things I can do at my creaky old house
What do I need for cloths Where do I get them?
Are you going to make me drink 8 bottles of water a day and eat lentils?
What happens if I lose my shit and have an emotional day?
I’m on a shit load of anti depressants does that matter?
I need to eat three times a day with protein or I get cranky.
Lettuce hurts my soul
No dairy no gluten nothing that walks on land.
Currently corn chips and pasta; fried eggs and salmon and frozen broccoli
I’m hoping that being fit will make my singing voice better too
Oh hummus, stir fry in a bag and hot sauce too
I have two hours free in the evening what’s the best activities for working out
I’ve always had an issue with food and being skinny. I want to do it right this time. It doesn’t have to come off fast I want to be set on a path of maintenance and strength and endurance.
I have no idea how to get back into shape after being this out of shape.

Part of me feels like it’s impossible But I did get my voice back… maybe just maybe  

Friday, December 9, 2016


SO it’s New Years resolution time. It’s been a few years since I’ve written up the future.

I was ready to write the resolutions this morning. I made it to the coffee shop and realized I forgot my journal and there is only so much writing I could do on the cell phone.

There are two big things in the future that I’m working on: One is a personal trainer. I have a consultation with a trainer next Friday and we’ll get to see if it will work between us . I want help with my diet and ease myself back into some sort of physical fitness.

The other is to become affiliated with a political party that I believe in. I realized that with the American election, it’s not just believing the news and scratching an x on a piece of paper. They’re not “all the same” I want to do more for people be more aware of the people factor in this world and believe that this may be one way to do it; And if not I’ll keep looking but I’ll start looking.

I want to keep writing in the morning from 7-8. Right now it’s just journal and bare bones, but there’s no reason why I can’t use my lap top. Have it there when I want to put the skin on some of the bones.
I will keep singing after supper and my chat with me “mudder.” And that leaves 2 hours in the evening to get done what needs to be done.

Right now reading doesn’t seem like a priority, which is sad when I see all the books on my book shelf that I want to read, but can’t get past the first page. I do have Robbie Robertson’s Testimony that was just released, Tini has inspected it and it passes. So in a year where I didn’t read very much my resolution for a new year is reading “Testimony.”

Take care of my cats pay my rent/utilities and listen to lots of music round out the list. It should be a good year. Unless of course America implodes on itself and Justin fills the west coast with pipelines.