Saturday, June 25, 2016


There will be a time
When we have to put you down
And that
                 I don’t understand 
Because I always say
“five more minutes”
And all will be ok
But five more minutes won’t
Bring your body back

We have conversations
With you and there’s
Still a will to live
We have conversations with the Dr
Who mentions quality of life

But your body is
Falling Apart
Not saving your soul
The packaging is damaged
But the soul inside is still strong

Not how I imagined it at all

Monday, June 20, 2016


I’ve had two amazing dreams that I remembered, and wrote about, and that I am working on as stories. One is about a baby that needs to be rescued, after a woman finds herself in a band, after quitting her job and moving away, she rescues a baby and moves away and becomes a songwriter. The big thing about this story is there are big decisions to make, decisions that make the world fall down but turns the world into something better. Decisions that make the world fall down and make her scrape the bottom of the bucket of life. Only to come out happier in the end.

That’s what I’m facing right now, that’s what the family is facing and so my medicine is that I sit and write a fictional story about it and work things out.

The other dream I’m working with is a person who faked her death and is living as a stripper far away from where she started. I haven’t figured out the meaning of that dream yet but man it was powerful, and has stuck with me, and left me with feelings and a story.

My nana banana is in the hospital, she has come back to btown to live out her final days, last week it was all about her and being there for her, but there was no singing and no writing. And I can’t lose my singing again, as I say it, it doesn’t sound fair to pick my voice over my nana, especially because I’m no virtuoso, at the same time I need to spend time with my cats and myself and things that keep me feeling healthy.

Tini missed me so much last week (Izzy is happy in her cat bed, in the porch, in day light, whether I am home or not). And so far this week Tini just wants to go outside. I need to talk about my cats because Nana Banana doesn’t like to talk about cats and says “meow meow meow; go home to your cats.”

I took ½ a day off today to pull my mind around all that was going on. There’s a lot to figure out and come to grips with a lot of emotional turmoil that I sooth with singing and grow stronger with by writing and dreaming and writing some more.

I haven’t arrived at any great epiphanies but I feel more centered and more grounded and had a great Kadoodle with Izzy and a great walk with Tini. And sleep there was sleep.

Friday, June 3, 2016

The Bog

So The landlords fixed my bathroom (thanks) which meant not taking a shower for like four days. Other than the fact that I was the human equivalent to the “Bog of Eternal Stench;” by day four, with the help of a giant yard sale, I was the happiest I’d ever felt in a long time. I brushed it off as a short week of work and a little “Shopping Therapy” -- free books people... But on the night of the fourth day, I used shampoo that I read, just after I used it, had gluten.

And you know what, the next day I had that “I really don’t think I can get out of bed today” feeling I was depressed and it hurt to function.

SO it’s been four days since I switched over to a Gluten Free Shampoo. It’s Dove right now but I need to find something that’s more environmentally friendly and not f’n animal tested. I still don’t jump out of bed and take on the day like a super champ, but It doesn’t hurt so much to function.

Over a decade being gluten free and I never once thought about the Shampoo. “I’m not that sensitive.” I proabably thought.

“What do you do eat it?” asked a co worker. Apparently; it soaks in through your skin, gets in your eyes and drips in your mouth, while you’re belting “It’s My Life” at the top of your lungs between shower drops.

SO if you’re doing gluten free on your own, and you’ve forgotten to read the label on something you take for granted like Shampoo, Hand Soap, Dish Detergent, Gum, Toothpaste take a read and let yourself feel a little better.