Monday, March 21, 2016

You are Beautiful. Yes I am

How different would my life be if I had someone beside me to tell me he loved me and I was beautiful. I wouldn’t have someone who hurt me. I’m strong enough to know that now. I’m strong enough to attract someone strong. I’m strong enough to wake up everyday and tell myself I’m beautiful.

I’m strong enough to know that it’s missing in my life, the positive affirmations that I’m beautiful and awesome. That I’m loved for being me from the outside. I know I am but I don’t hear it.

So I could either sit here and wait for something to come along. Which I will have to do, but waiting takes so long. So I need another plan until “Mr. Awesome” shows up. I need to believe that every time a friend says hello, they’re saying “You’re awesome” and just because they’re silent doesn’t mean the opposite. 

I need to know that I am weakened a bit not to be hearing, feeling, love from the outside but that I can replace it now that I know it’s missing. Every time I sing, write a poem, or smile, I am telling myself I’m worth it and that I’m awesome.  

Every time the poem gets more complicated or the songs gets harder I’m taking chances on myself. I’m learning to get better.

So I’m off to thinks of ways to tell myself “I Love You.” And remind myself "I’m awesome..." Feel free to list the way’s I’ve missed below.

Sunday, March 20, 2016


The roots to the past are blind,
The darkened roads will wind,

The roots are pulled up by the warden,
Like a carrot in the autumn garden,

I hold up my roots strong and tall,
But I’ve never healed my past at all,

When you were a kid and her and her and her before,
Is replaced by gossip and we cover mouths and, ignore,

She has been the one dying,
I’m the only one crying,

As she slips away into my dreams,
Stretching my intuition at the seams,

It’s the only time our stories are told,
And we close our eyes like the old,

Lady who we morn for today,
The otter in my dreams at play,

Saturday, March 19, 2016


There are no angels
There are no men to hide behind
No one to build a castle
For your heart to beat behind
A solid rock wall
You’ve done enough on your own
Some people see their lives as a fire
As a flickering flame
to light and burn
But I’m not ready to be ashes yet
Could I share this life
More fires throughout the forest
More lives like dominoes falling
But I’m not ready to be ashes yet
My past is nothing more than
A nightmare now
Scars no longer feel pain
But memories come back
When I close my eyes
And weep

I weep too hard for there to be fire

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Emotional Suicide

not my photo
Hear the pitter patter
Of the rain on the roof
Bring umbrellas
And laugh as we run
Between the rain drops

Hear the voices
From each others lips
Rather than the voices
Inside our head
Get outside the mind

How the world told us
To be strong women
How our jeans held us in
Like depression A fog-surrounded
Light in the ocean’s mouth

Hear our voices tell each other
We should have become
Mothers to more
Than our own broken hearts
And our over active psychosis

Hear the pitter patter
Of blood drop from our hearts
I will drink my own veins
Rather than roast your flesh
Over an open fire

Hear the Drs last prescription
Of medicated Chocolate Milk
And wash it down with water
From the wells where
The black birds died

One more time
One more day
To find the secrets and
Leave emotional suicide
For another week

Thursday, March 10, 2016

I Guess I'm not Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau

There are unicorns
In my dreams tonight
Bright colours and
sparkly glue
To hold the world together

 I wake up in the morning and have a breakfast of rainbows
Light and colour
a unicorn walks home
beside me from work
As I write
I will child tonight.

I will be alone
As this is all I’ve known
But my head is filled with creatures
Who protect and talk and imagine with me
I slip out of this world
And into another
I am not as pretty as she is
I am not as lucky as she is
But I love doing the Imagine
I Am a princess like she is
With a crown and a sceptre
And pretty dresses and pretty shoes
And hair that flipped around like golden floss
And someone told me what to say and how to smile
And n the eyes of the world I was beautiful
Not just the eyes
Of myself who pictures
Her beauty in her head
But refuses to look in the mirror

 There are unicorns
In my dreams tonight
Bright colours and sparkly
Glue to hold the world together

I come home in the evening
To a palace of kittens, music
And imagination
Where we chase our tails
And tell tall tales
And a unicorn
Sleeps beside my bed

I’m not alone
The faeries
Read me my dreams
As I sleep
And the gnomes
The rocks under the house
Sometimes they find treasure
Sometimes it’s only dirt

I forget that my imagination
Can cheer me up when I’ve had a bad week

Sunday, March 6, 2016


I can sing if I really think hard
And concentrate
My voice a water fall
Covering the smoothed stones

Of blue eyed lakes
Reflecting our fondness for life
The air is cold, my tear drops
Pearls down my frozen face

Each pearl falls to my chest
The heart tears a slice
As it is only of flesh and blood
The tear turns red

I can use my voice
To tell you it hurts
Experience the falls
Inside out the tear splashes

Across the paper
We drown our voices
In the blue lakes

Or send those pearls into the sky.