Saturday, December 26, 2015


My eyes must have been closed
Did you leave in my sleep?
Did I trust you would be there
When I woke up?

What part of your heart died
So you could walk away?

There were too many miles
To break my heart
We weren't face to face yet
But a friendship ended
That was still a little child.

Smiles and tears
On a tender heart
That enjoyed the sound of
Your music
Your poems
The inside of your imagination

But piano keys never die
I only heard me play our song
We never put our heads on each others
Shoulders. Except that once
In my dream.

Are you still alive
Are you still feeling after all this mess
You've been warned you can't
Break my ...

Holes in a Swiss cheese moon
The reflection of the earth
Are just ponds of darkness
Your magic and kindness
Has left the room harsh and cold

Perhaps you forgot how well you made me laugh

Perhaps what we collected over the months
Was nothing more than
Perhaps perhaps perhaps
Are all the words that are
Left over like garbage

You have my tears
But not my heart
You may have had my friendship
With a shielded heart
This hello still believes in love

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I Does Good

I did good tonight. I really enjoyed singing Defying Gravity and I had a chance to show my music teacher what I figured out last night.

You see, I'm not a great pianist. I'm really good at singing notes as they're played. And my right hand playing the melody is usually good; vocally and handy. But that doesn't help my ear training.

I'm singing Coal Town Road and The Water is Wide. Both songs require me to sing without the piano. I have to figure out how to navigate the pitch and timing on my own.

So last night I worked on The Water is Wide by stepping away from the piano and doing the song line by line until I didn't need the piano.

Now I can tell you that after an hour I still need a lot of work. But I realized I'm not as helplessly tone deaf as I thought I was.  And there is hope.

Tonight I sang The Water is Wide for my music teacher and was so scared. I was standing there by myself and I had to believe I was good enough to sing in front of her.

I said think of it as a conversation with a friend. I'm just telling her a piece of poetry, a piece of someone's day set to music; and I calmed down.

The things that I'm learning are coming together.

And she said I did good.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Little Me

I guess that is what I learned last night. That I think I haven't done anything worthy of creative respect in the last 20 years. I have to change the way I see how creative I am. Not believe my worth by how famous I'm not; but how happy and alive I am. 

That makes me smile.

I'm happy my creativity keeps me alive. Searching for new  challenges even though sometimes the choices I make are difficult and lonely.

My creativity is my self love, my personality. Maybe I should stop punishing myself for making the decisions I want to -need to make. Stop telling myself the negative and start pointing out the possibility that I'm happy not because someone says so, but because I can see it in my heart.

So last night I felt small in the presence of three amazing performers. Tonight I remind myself how important I am to living in to the next  moment.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

15 Seconds

Who knew that in 15 Seconds; in the time of a dream, one could feel so much love and so much loss.

I worked with award winning film makers, when I awaken after the dream I am reminded that I no longer do film, only in my dreams.

He is real in my dreams, the love I have for him is real. While filming this movie he falls to his death; we are everyone and everything in our dreams.

The alarm goes off; for 7 hours I tell myself it's just a dream, and in the 7th hour I tell myself that is 15 Seconds and forty years, the dream is real, and I'm ok to cry.