Monday, June 22, 2015

(That's Me)

I was walking to work this morning, putting myself down. "Oh look the car stopped for the ugly fat girl." (That's me.) "Oh look the man crossed the road so he didn't have to be on the same side as the ugly fat girl." (That's me.)

And then I realized that it was very nice for that car to stop. He wasn't yelling those words out his car window. I was the one using them. And that man crossing the street, lived, or at least was visiting, that house he crossed the street to get to.

Yep those were MY voices in MY head.

Although a very confident person, I'm shattered by, and always am at war with, the negatives in my head and my heart. I think I have magic powers that I can see into someone else's mind and hear their voices telling me I'm ugly. Watching their eyes dodge me, I know what they're thinking.

(That's me.) Those are just my own troubles in my own head. Sure some of them may be real. But the only one saying those things is me.

I'm the one poisoning my own heart and soul. Why? Because I don't want the world to think, I think, I'm pretty, when I'm not. I want them to know, I know my place, but that I'm good in other ways. I want people to know, I know, my voice isn't perfect, my body's not perfect. I need me to remember this, to remember my place.

That's me.

Not anymore, I'm peeling away the layers of me, that hate me, and replacing it with love.


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