Sunday, June 14, 2015

My Mind Is O K

Let the sun go down now. Let the day end. Let the sun set orange and pink. I can't see it through the clouded windows in the hospital. I've lost count of how long I've been here. They took my watch away from me to put in the IV.

See my mind is ok. I can hear the people say that I should be dead, that I should have the right to choose. I can dream that in a few minutes I'll be 10 again and able to stand up and toss a ball to my loved one.

I can't even sit up without coughing. I heard a lady say earlier that it looked like my eyes had sunk into my head, I don't know. Where are all the mirrors.

My family told the Dr. I should have my own room. Privacy. He said "don't worry I'll take care of it," that was 10 am this morning. I'm sitting out in the hall.

I remember the day I was 14 and didn't think I was beautiful enough. And the day at 60 I decided I was beautiful enough for this world. I cried for all the years that passed in between.

You see my mind is ok. I can remember being the valedictorian. I remember running cross country and being the lead in the play and being a mother a grand mother. I remember falling in love and getting married.

I remember the day I couldn't get out of bed on my own. I stopped worrying about whether or not I was pretty enough.

My family told the Dr. I should have my own room. They brought me slippers and placed food in front of me. The nurses said feeding me was a waste of solid food and sighed when they took the left overs away.

Apple juice I wanted apple juice.

But I couldn't speak.

All I ask is that in my final days, final moments you treat me with dignity and sanity and know that even though I can't speak; I still have feelings.

You see my mind is ok.

 

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