Wednesday, April 22, 2015
In Dark Places
I'm growing light; I am a flower of light, in dark places. All this time I wondered if I made the right decision. All this time I've hated my theatre degree because I didn't understand until now, right now, that I was following a dream, following my heart.
I was embarressed because I went to university and didn't get a job doing Theatre, or History, or English. I was embarressed because it took me a while to find my place. I was frustrated because it took me a while to not come home and just sleep.
I'm growing light, I didn't realize it, but when I started singing again I opened up the zipper between light and dark, and let the sunshine in. I've doubted and still doubt my abilities, but I'm getting stronger as I do write night and singing lessons, as I keep writing and recording on my own. I took film and now I record myself reading my poems, singing. It's little but it's one step at a time
It's a lesson in faith, to hang on. In 1995 I said I wanted to take theatre, be an artist, and no one stopped me. In 2015 I feel it all falling into place, if only for a moment, life and dreams start to come together and meet. I see the reasons for my choices in the past and I applaud myself for the perserverence I have shown over the last 20 years.
There will proabably always be pain and struggle, but I'm learning who I am, I am lighting up my darkness.