Friday, April 3, 2015

Dragonfly on my Shoulder

 found this photo on the net
I've been thinking about putting some of my real name on twitter, wondering what will happen if I do. Not my last name, just the first two bits.

Maybe in the time it takes for a dragonfly to land on my shoulder. I'll put a name with all the personal strife and happiness I share with the world. Maybe I'll own in with a little CMC.

But I wonder if I know who I really am. And if putting my real name on my pieces, on my heart will make it more dangerous more real. There are secrets I have kept from even me things that I push down. I'm sure I would be scared and fascinated by the real me.

Maybe when the dragon fly lands on my shoulder, that magic will unlock my need to pretend. Pretend so many things. Maybe my fear of letting people see who I really am is the same fear I have with people in the 'verse knowing my real name.

I've learned many tricks over the years and taken many pills to counteract the magic but maybe this dragon fly with all his grace will let me be who I really am and I won't be afraid of who I really am.

But then again Something about me, being my honest self frightens me: I hear echoes and thoughts; my own and what other people say that frighten me. And there are so many things that without medication that with the wrong poison entering my body I can't control.

There are so many nights I sit alone and wonder what demon will spill from me: what needs and wants and mistakes will take over my soul and so I trap myself in silence. And pretend to be what I think other people want me to be.

Even though I don't use my real name this is the one place I can really be me


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