Monday, March 30, 2015

Layers and Steps

I removed, removed some layers this weekend, and when people say the word "love" I'm now lost to what it means. I always have been

I had so many answers, so many answers to what it could be, but I'm lost without a song, without a dream, to tell me

I've cleared my slate to all the words of love, words of love I've heard in the past

I used to think that if I married, I loved myself; even wore a ring, but I didn't feel love. Didn't know what it was.

Guess I'm off to find out what love means, what love means to me one step at a step

Step one Human love should be one step above music and writing?

step two Human love is not what I get in those crazy sex dreams (I don't know what that is.... but I can stop believing that's what love is, I can stop searching for that, and can stop being afraid of that.)

Step three Kitten love is a love above music and writing, they are my little family

step four music makes me feel love for myself and the world around me and that takes a lot

step five food is not love food is essential.

Step six One heart beat after the next. one breath in one breath out

Step seven Sitting with myself, writing, listening to music playing the piano is a gift I give myself.

Step 8 not very many babies make me feel love (though some do, I like 2 or 3 babies that I've met.) This is important because I don't need to associate the feeling I get around most babies to love.

Step 9 I used to think I'd meet a man and we would love and heal and I would trust him so much and love him so much that I would want to have a child with him. This is no longer that love will be.

Step ten This is good, this is all good, because now I am open to any new emotion that comes my way I am not frightened by the last 30 *cough* years

I've cleared the slate of many illusions, but built a strong foundation.



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