Last night I did a group meditation.
I said the epiphany will come.
I came home knowing the meditation had been relaxing and upon lighting a candle to sit by myself, in my own house, realized I had opened up some path ways.
A few weeks ago I had written the poem of dreaming of Paris and scattered the ideas of exams and school papers through it. it was confusing to some, having the two ideas together.
Sometimes, most times I write, for me to get a message from it, it just took a week and a half to realize why these two images, exams and Paris, were so important together. Paris- is a metaphore for things that I want now, that I never did want as a child. When I go to make a decision either consiuouly or sub I have always thought I have to take my past into consideration.
If I want to do something I think "well I spent all that time and money getting a theatre degree it should involve theatre, I spent all this time alone, it should involve another person, I spent all this time in school, it should reflect something I learned there... I graduated from school 20 years ago and think I have, hope I have, learned a few more things since then.
Today It's new day and I can learn something five minutes from now that can affect my decision 20 minutes from now. I don't have to keep working to make theatre dreams come true if they don't work for me right now. I have to relax off on the past and focus on the future and what comes at me that makes me happy not use the past as an excuse to make me happy and keep me sad.