Saturday, February 21, 2015

And I Asked for...

I found focus again.

So there's this saying that used to come when I said "Guess what just happened to me?" Which was usually followed by "Someone has a horse shoe up her ass." And I haven't heard that in a long time (miss my "B") I realized I had a lot of conviction back then I knew what I wanted. I didn't know it wouldn't make me unhappy, But I knew what I wanted. And when I put my heart and soul towards it I got it. In the years post university I always get enough to get by, but I didn't ask for anything, I was so confused by my unhappiness that I didn't know what to ask for. So much that I asked for had made me sad or didn't work out in a positive manner.

So I stopped asking and just got what I needed to get through the next day. But since Duncanville, and I still haven't been doing a lot of asking, I've been getting a lot of positive. I thought "dear self It's time to start asking again."

I asked for singing, started off sketchy, but It lead to the singing teacher I have now and she's amazing and I feel really good singing. I wanted a writing group, I said that years ago, and now I have my own, I lead it, I would like to be the one on the learning side, but you learn a lot when you lead too.

So now I keep telling my friend to make a list of what she wants and then it came back to me that I should write a list. And I told myself I'd like to be writing that's all that's left.

This morning out of nowhere I got an invitation to grant writing and supporting yourself as an artist. The way the weekend worked out I couldn't do it. And part of me wonders if it was a good idea to have said no to it, I could have gone, but i had other plans and needed cat food and to do laundry really really bad.

I did my tarot cards tonight and they basically said "trust in the new energy that is coming your way, you'll get what you want and the cat food. There's going to be a shift."

I also learned from the past that if you need cat food, a day before a winter storm, you get the cat food.

Hopefully this is a trend for the better that positive things are coming into my life, that I can start to know what I want and not be too afraid to ask for it.

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