Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Ripped Flesh Project

I take my good judgement and withdraw unto moonlit rivers and candle lit alters. The page and the pen spewing words that I would only ever tell a lover, or myself. I'll find my heart under the ashes of burned in sense, of gods oils, and romantic flower petals.

Walking home amongst the falling autumn leaves, rose' sunset and becoming giddy by the words I start to see in my heart; on the page.

I lock myself in a dark room and do nothing but touch pen to paper.

The stories doesn't say much at first, it's just me sitting on the chair watching the candle burn. I pull tarot cards about tricksters and virgin forests. I take my sock off over a flesh wound I have on my right ankle due to an ill fitting pair of boots that stole my heart and seemed uber practical. I had to take them back, threatening to show said wound if the store clerk refused. My sock remained sticking to the puss of the back of my leg and in return I bought the fluffiest pair of boots I could find.

those returned boots reminded me of tech boots ,steel toed, steel bottomed. The kind I wore with mermaid dresses in university, a time when I was still unaware of awareness but aware that everyone was thinking thoughts without me. I Still wanted to be someone who fit in.

Sophia looked down on her daughter as she sent her to earth," it's going to be hard to find peace baby in this life time, it's going to be hard to find peace on this earth, it's never been a peaceful place, but I'll put you in a tiny little place where it's peaceful and you have to navigate the rest for yourself."

Baby looked back at Mama Sophia while she was still in the womb and said there is a lot of unrest in this word even in this tiny little world it is hard to find peace when the world is so up in arms.

Sophia said find books find music find candle light and find Duncan Ville and in there you will start to find peace.

Baby looked back "I will start to find peace?"

That's as far as I can see baby girl, that's as far as I can see.

She asked me "When was the last time you were in love?" I thought for a moment over the years that seemed like nothingness of the past I wondered if everyone felt like the last forty years in their life was like a drop in the bucket or if they were fulfilled with memories and emotions.

I separated the romantic acts from the actual romance and felt empty and unloved. Before I could answer she said "Use the time you were in love in your music"

The music went flat

I thought about the boy in university who I was sure I was going to marry. I thought about the touch that meant nothing when I was as far away from myself as possible.

and I just wanted to sing like me the love would come.

When I went to buy my favorite boots in the whole world, I went by myself, and was left to choose between the men's boots and the women's boots. So I looked at the stranger trying on his own boots and said

"Now do I get the girls boots or the boys boots?"

He said to "get the boys boots because they are always better."

They were the pair I wanted too, I couldn't possibly go wrong.

I took my favorite boots in the whole word, at least since 1998 back to the store. The store took them back and I left with money to buy a new pair I wondered why in life I was presented with such a beautiful pair of boots that did so much damage to my feet.

Sophia said "you will find it but it may take a few tries."

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