I just finished writing my morning pages. I actually went two years without writing them. There are a million and one excuses as to why. Personally I was doing all right so I never thought anything of it. Until today; today is the end of week four. And I guess I spent four weeks babbling so I didn’t have to face the truth. But last night I said “something is blocking me from writing something is holding me back.” I realized I needed to use the morning pages to “dig deep.” And I realized I’m still scared of writing, which is maybe something I will always be but last night I learned that it is a privilege that I’ve been given to be able to write and read and express myself; That there have been and still are many who don’t have that right.
I have it; I have over 40 books that teach you how to write, I know how to do it, just need to break through the fear that there is something is missing. I need to write one sentence at a time. I need to fight now, fight the part of me that coats all my fears in light so they don’t affect me. That’s what I do, make sure everything is bright on the outside and don’t let myself know the truth, and that is hurting me more than the truth would. It’s time to break open the light because I you break into the darkness there is light AGAIN.