That was my favorite sound from that time on. The sound of cut glass crystal smashing against a window. The power that that was behind the crack and the landing of a million sharp pieces. The way I said no to the turn of my husband. Said no to another compromise, because that’s what love says to do and decided to do something for myself.
I ran feral on the beach for two months flew to the California coast and got an agent and auditioned for movies next to movie stars and had people laugh at my attempts. I stayed in a little dive in a corner of the city and smoked a joint with other people who had struggled many years, had my own university of screen writers actors and sadness on the balcony of the old hotel.
In the morning I would wake up in a dirty tank top an pj pants that had sheep and goats on them in Pepto-Bismol pink and ran along the beach, sometimes people would join me, sometime it would just be me throwing shells back into the ocean. Eating greasy fried eggs at the tavern down the street and calling my husband and crying because it wasn’t near as glamorous as Taylor swift makes it out be.
I never did make it to Hollywood Boulevard, i guess there wasn’t time.
Oh I had done my share of acting, but no one wanted to see me in a movie. No one wanted to take my hand across the beach, there were no family pets to throw sticks to and fetch, the sticks just sat out in the ocean and floated away out of eyesight, although I swear that there one that washed up against the beach every night and I throw it out to the sea every morning.
Then one day when I’m out on the private beach with pop and beer cans I hear a sound behind me, and it’s my husband and he holds me in m arms while I cry and I tell him I can’t do this, this was my dream and I can’t do it. And he took my hand and led me up to the room opened the door and said “Get what you need. I’m taking you home.”
My dreams had changed from that 19 year old girl in university and I had to be k with that but I had a chance to try it one more time.
That summer a big movie came to my small town, the director recognized me and put me in a little role of a country secretary and “you know who,” walked right past me a few times in the scene. I had made it.