Little sleep finds it very dark where she is; she has handed her light over to the universe and is expecting rainbows and sunbeams in return. But it is very dark. And as she walks forward she knocks things over and makes people mad, she asks for help and is put in an upsetting direction. She has to depend on her awareness to get out. “I’m doing everything myself” she says to the sky, to the ground, to the words on the paper.
She asks for a therapist and she doesn’t like what this therapist has to say, the therapist says it’s time to stop writing. Little sleep doesn’t want to stop writing; so she runs away and blames the universe for not showing her the light.
Little sleep keeps writing, and finds the answers that she’s looking for in her own words. The one thing that she was told to stop, when looking for the magic of the universe, was one of the things that saved her.
As she is running far away there is a street light. For a moment the world is bright and there is a table selling wine and cucumber sandwiches. She buys one and stays under the light for a while happy to see some light in her life.
But the light turns off automatically and the sandwiches sell out. She is sick. And she keeps running and she looks for a Dr but the Dr just wants to give her pills, he doesn’t want to find out why she is sick, it is little sleep who finds out on her own that you can’t live on cucumber sandwiches and artificial light.
So little sleep, upset at the universe again for sending her a bad Dr and making her do all the work to find out why she is sick, keeps running, and gets more and more tired. But still little sleep believes the universe will protect her and not put her through needless suffering. All the answers she has been given doesn’t make her feel better and magic, instead, it makes her feel more angry and less loved by the people around her. But still she loves the universe and herself and works even harder to prove that love to the universe so it will shower her with gifts.
“Universe” said little sleep one night “I gave you my light and I have always argued with what you have done with my searches, you have given me so much darkness and coldness and forced me to love you and love those around me though all of it. And I never seemed to get anything in return.”
“What have you learned?” asked the universe.
“I learned patience and love of self from that experience.”
Then it all seems to come back in droves and she understands what the universe has been trying to teach her these past 15 years.
Through all this the universe was teaching her about patience and love and that all was as it should be that it was telling her she could solve these problems, she could heal the hurt inside her better than any Dr. The universe was teaching her to depend on the love of the earth and self love not the love of others.
“So” asked little sleep “You weren’t punishing me by giving me crap dr’s and jobs I never dreamed of as a child? You were teaching me to find the love inside myself no matter where I was or what I was doing. You were telling me I didn’t need a Dr to heal myself that day. I don’t need to have a PHD to work out my shit, I don’t need an MFA to be a writer. I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel love.
Those are the lessons the universe wanted to teach little sleep.