Sunday, September 15, 2013

Angels Across the Moon

From here
I can see angels
Walk Across the moon
Tips of hair followed
By blinking stars
Tiara’s shine
In planets eyes
They move like
A summer breeze
Dresses, long and silver
Light shining from above
Glowing skin
I watched one single
Lift me off the earth
Her hands on mine
Talking all my pain away
Her light calming my skin
My mind at perfect peace
Beyond any place
I had ever seen

In a forest
Along the shore
While meditating
I felt the mother’s arms
Hold me, like a child,
And I began to cry
The Dr's said don't cry
But the milky way was soft
And I was safe

we fall back to earth
and sit along the dunes
But from here
You can see angels
Walk across the moon
And many nights
I make my way
To the other side

Sunday, September 8, 2013

I've been up since 4 am rant

So I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year, and I guess you’re allowed to work on your stories before November, well a person can work on their own Novel whenever they want I guess. It’s still floating between a novel and a screen play but right now it’s "just outlines" so it’s in that stage of “it will be whatever it wants to be.”

I put the story board as a three act structure on the wall and put plot points under each space. I’ve been doing thousand word free falls and bought special Metallic sharpies (and one black one) to do outlining and pages of dialogue. I wish I had written down what day I started this all. Today I sat down and wrote two rough draft pages. It’s still in the outline stage, but I actually feel emotions as I write it. It makes me feel good to sit down and write.

I was up at 4:30 this morning after all that I worked through yesterday and all that I wanted to get done today.

“What does one do at 4 am on a Sunday morning?”… clean and rearrange the house of course, watch Tini run from one side of the apartment to the other… I hope we didn’t wake anyone else, but this probably equals out somewhere between fight night up stairs and basement cat downstairs.

Last weekend I started to watch Adam Sandler movies which led to Reign Over Me today. I don’t finish movies, like ever, even my favorites I watch in two or three installments but I am really taken by Reign. It was recommended I watch Silver Linings Playbook for their portrayal of Depression and Mental Illness. I didn’t connect with Cooper or Lawrence but boy do I get Charlie I’m watching the trailer now and wishing there was still time tonight to finish watching it right now.

That led to two pages of what is being called “sail” because the song has the intensity I want the story to have.

On my first day of JR High, my friends came back from an amazing trip to a desolate island where they lived for six months. I had the low female self esteem that they talk about on TV when they talk about women at that age. I thought it was a gift not to talk to him. I didn't want people to think he was my friend, I did not want him to feel as isolated as I did from everyone else. That was like the last time we sat together. So I took what I should have said  then and twisted it to have my two main characters talk about what it’s like not to fit in, and they get each other. 
I want so much to post the little piece, but I know the more I get to know these two, the stronger that meeting will become. But they have that moment that I never had with my friend.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Sweet Lovers

But nature tells us how to live; To wash in the rain, to follow the sun like a flower, to mate when we find love, to touch, to heal. Yet I come here on the river to be alone, to not be touched, to hold everything in so the happiness doesn’t fall apart.

When I was at the hotel, as I found out now, I read books that said focus on the happy, let in the light, let in the good. But I never learned what to do with the bad, and so I buried it under light and mud. I’m proud that I made myself happy, but in the meantime there is all this darkness weighing me down, that separates me from everyone, except those who know how to step inside, and when they step inside, they see it’s a mess.

This is the time in my journey to make myself happy, not by covering over the darkness, but by facing the darkness and letting me see the light in it. I have yet to find guidance leading me deep into unravel the darkness. So I shall take my sword and enter the forest…

The Pills cover it over, the “I love everything” I speak of, puts all reality in denial. For a while I may not be able to see the silver linings in everything. I may have to look at the pain in things. I may have to let out the tears. Let out the anger.

Why face it all when I’m so happy on the outside? Because it’s exhausting and it’s causing a block in me moving forward, me falling in love, me being healthy.
Sweet Lovers
The flowers grow
In your path
Where feet follow feet
Sweet lovers
The red dahlia
Flower, like drops
Of pin pricked blood
Sweet lovers
The fire in the petals
Reach up like candles
In meditation
Sweet lovers
Hold hands
Over the garden
And talk of children and marriage
Sweet Lovers
The grass covers your feet
The stable ground
Your resting heads
Sweet lovers
Follow your feet
Through the garden
And into the home you’ve built