Saturday, August 24, 2013

Imagine


I’ve done a lot of imagining I’d write something great. I’ve done short stories and never finished them enough to publish (although I did tell some with the story tellers) I had a 2 plays done in university that I just sat down and wrote in one sitting.

Between dealing with depression and expecting to just sit down and write a masterpiece in one sitting I haven’t been doing much real writing on a large scale; Milford is big and I need to go back and finish him.

But starting last month I decided I had enough energy to do NaNoWriMo. And boy is it a slap in the face from university (writing a 20 minute play in one sitting) At first I started just doing free fall. I went over it tonight and there’s a lot of good stuff there but it’s nowhere near a novel.

Today I had coffee at the farmers market with some amazing women and came home and started a story board. I have training in film and theatre so I set it up in a three act structure and let the juices flow.

I feel great tonight. Like I’m on the right path. That things are going good.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Bliss I guess


Well the theme song for today was spirit of the west “Home For A Rest

 

               

The line that competed with being “drunk since I left,” and an incurable case of the giggles was “I am for breathing, part of me born to the stars, I am for light, I am for dark, finding the peace that connects us to who we are, I never thought I’d find this state of bliss, I was meant for this and so were you.”

 

This after a morning of pulling on my large pants and complaining about my weight, yet again.

 

You see I stopped running and counting the calories, I stay home with the kitties and I’ve been writing. Now I want to do NaNoWriMo and have been putting in an hour of free fall a night coming up with ideas and beginnings, middles and endings. And the getting fat has not stopped. I thought it would plateau, considering I eat nothing, but alas, it has not.

 

Then came Hart Rouge “I never thought I’d find this state of bliss, I was meant for this and so were you.”

 

As if somewhere in the morning I sighed, “will I never find my state of bliss?!?” And The song said most people think they never find it and despite being fat you have the giggles and staring in your own musical at work.

 

So I learned that finding your state of bliss is something that takes a while to get to, so If I’m not 100% happy that’s ok I’m a work in progress. The girl in the song said she never thought she’d find it and I think it’s attainable so I have to keep going.

 

Now go dance to spirit of the west and have a beer or two.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

A Night at the Museum

 not my photo
He woke up
The words of use
Caused harm
Mumbling wickedness
 
The pinks of the sky
Roll down
A dancer’s dead drop
Into the blue waves
 
Of the harbor
Rectangular frames
Bars my sight
The doors closed together
 
Sitting still
In the sail boat
Part of the display
Rehearsing a single play
 
His words woke me up
The sweat from our
Lovemaking
Tainted in vodka

Monday, August 12, 2013

The Unicorn


Like a skirt in on the body; the wind flows gently through the trees. It’s all that’s left to feel. The arms, the legs, the brain are numb; from the 30 years of antidepressants and denial. I remember the day I realized that so many people around me were finding what they loved; Jack loved car shows, Lillian loved dog shows and I took my cat out for walks on a pink leash.

But that was many moons ago and cat got scared and didn’t want to go outside anymore. Love became soured like the worst wine and I’m sitting alone watching the turtle on the middle of the pond. Its tiny, ancient, body doing nothing more than soak up the sun.

The last time I saw a unicorn was on this pond, when I was 16, walking hand and hand with my boyfriend. Oh and 16 year olds will be 16 year olds. The unicorn galloped behind me and blew its breath on my neck. It said “this is the last time you will ever see me.” I cried, but I was in love.

Like the fog on the sea shore, I sat weighted and heavy. I really didn’t think there were any more reasons to go on. Oh sure I would go on, go to work, clean my apartment, but really, what else was left?

I heard the children playing behind me and saw a runner in black on the other side of the pond. The children were laughing and calling out to the turtle. The boys named the turtle and the little girl of the group just stood and stared like there was magic everywhere.

I wondered.

Like the beat of my heart the world changed and the runner picked up the little girl. She began to scream. I began to think of my marriage. And then I saw it, the unicorn run across the pond, the water splashing up from the hooves. We both reached the little girl at the same time.

The runner was down and people all over the park were starting to take notice. The little girl and I jumped on the back of the unicorn and galloped to her mother.

Like hours of being questioned by the police, there is a tired. After everyone when home, I looked for the turtle. He had left his rock. I began to leave when I heard a throat  clear.

“You know you are the Unicorn now. And I will be with you whenever you play on the pond.”

There was a splash and the turtle swam back to his rock.