I looked at the therapist.
He asked “what did your husband do to upset you today?”
I wanted to tell him I didn’t have a husband, but he’s so convinced he knows me and can help me, that I don’t want to break his heart, hurt that look in his eyes. I figure it will cause to much confusion now, to tell him I’m single.
“He told me he found a lover.” I said
“Are you OK with that? You sound OK with that.”
I answered “He kept making excuses for why he couldn’t come home at night and I was getting used to not having him there. I told him he should stay with this lover.”
His eyes lit up and he leaned forward. “So you sound all right with this maybe this is what you’ve been looking for.”
“Yeah,” I said “Maybe it is what I’ve been looking for.”
He leaned back at the end of the session talking about my husband and said “I believe we have made some real breakthroughs today.”
I nodded in agreement. This was the last Tuesday I had to meet with him.
All I knew is that even my nonexistent lover didn’t want to be with me. I felt depressed and deserted.
I walked out to the car where my mother was sitting and convinced her to go out for a beer, we had many.
To take the edge off we went down to the gazebo by the river and threw rocks until we were sober.
“Take that you cheating husband.” She would say and another rock would splash in the river scaring the frogs hiding along the riverbank.
Today I walk along the gazebo yard no mother no drinks free from the therapist and left on my own to figure out the inner workings of my feelings and who I am and why I do what I do. For me it’s better that way.