Last night, after falling asleep, I learned a little lesson, a "ah ha" moment so to speak.
I have what I want.
I was dreaming I was in another high school. I've always said I don't have reoccurring dreams but this is it. I think that my university degree will make more sense if I go back to high school and relearn what I was missing when I went to university, I will graduate from university and high school proud of myself rather than ashamed and embarrassed.
The dream includes struggling with more math problems not reading the books I'm not interested in: Dickens? Really? And trying to find a classroom and teacher in a world I've never been in before.
Last night, I was talking to my co students about where I'd been and what I'd done.
"Wait," said this beautiful blond girl, "You have a degree in theatre? That's what I want."
As we are ourselves in our dreams I guess I want a theatre degree, which I have. I have a home life I love and oodles of writing time, if I get my shyte together, I have a good life. I want that.
The world opened up.
I have something that, not everyone who wants it, has. This year I've used it and vowed to utilize more of my free time for writing and reading and learning, about writers and writing I want to learn about.
Now I just need to get the hard drive fixed on my computer.