Friday, January 20, 2012
Last night, being of sound mind and body, as opposed to the night before, when my brain was wound tight and I fell asleep at 9, I did a meditation where I listed some affirmatives, I reached out just to the area around me and asked for help knowing that I was beautiful and smart and successful and loved. Last night I had a dream that myself and my current friends graduated from high school (even with a 55% in math) and I looked at them and said "I don't know what to do now that I've graduated."
I thought that is probably a big problem I had when I graduated I no longer had the structure of the classes and deadlines to finish a paper or a play at a certain time. I know I switched over to the hotel for the steady hours and now that I have a deadline I am actually able to complete (ok sort of) a story a month, I think for a long time I wanted to be free of schedules and be a free spirit but I think I need to have a schedule and deadlines and grounding.
This led to me thinking about needing and asking for help, reaching out to the world around me to ask for help believing in myself led me to think about love and friends, I always think I can do it myself, that it's wrong and weak to ask for help, last night, however gently, i began to ask for help and receive answers... wait that means that right now it's feeling pretty good to know this stuff put a big lesson is on its way.
Since then we had help from outside story tellers at our story teller gathering, something that had never happened before. And today I felt like there was a big shift in how I was feeling about the word, this shift has me feeling heavy and apprehensive.