Monday, December 19, 2011

Moment to be Me

Photo by mama duncan and me

I’ve always been in a rush, a rush to get to university, a rush to get out of university, a rush to accomplish a great piece of writing, be part of a production that would get me regular jobs doing what I studied. A rush to get well, when I moved home, a rush to get a job so I could live on my own, a rush to get out of the call centre and back to the city and what happens if the call centre closes, call centres are always closing and moving to India.

I had a dream two nights ago that I walked down to the neighbours house, who has hundreds of Christmas lights and invited me to a dinner, as I was sitting there, surrounded by lights and I got a rush over me that said just be yourself, just take your time, be who you really are, don’t be afraid of what other people think about what you’ve done with life, don’t worry about controlling the future or worry about what will happen on a date. Just take one moment at a time.

I was sitting at a gathering with sister Duncan and her bestest and they’ve had years that I can’t compete with, they have their own history and their own stories and their own “language.” I listened, didn’t worry about being as funny as they were or having my own stories or try to break into the enigma of who they were, and at the end as I was leaving I started to talk about what was important to me. About needing to sit on the couch and look out the window and work on my journal. About people rushing around me, because they get bored when they just sit, that’s who I am, my world takes a moment, let my life take a moment, be here.

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