Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I just didn’t know

I woke up this morning, kind of, and thought "I just don’t know what to do." I didn't have the answers. I didn't know why I felt like crap. I didn't know why I wanted to keep sleeping. I didn't know what was going to happen at work. I didn't know what I'd say to friends. I couldn't predict or plan anything, I just didn't know or didn't "Think" I knew. I didn't know more than anyone else, different yes, more no.

I guess that’s Ok, I guess that’s the new phase of my life, not to have all the answers not to be right, or believe I’m right all the time. Marianne Williamson speaks of falling to your knees and asking for help. I haven't reached out for help but I said "I don't know.  I've started asking questions about I should have a while ago. Things about people about situations. I can't to get angry and frustrated because I didn’t get it my own way.

This is hard. The epiphany didn't come with a flash of light and energy, but a darkness that seemed to take hold of me, I have no idea what will happen tomorrow morning.

I can admit I don't know something and ask for all the help I need. I can participate, I can play, even if I don't win first place, I can invite the world in.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks, it's an amazing discovery, it just hurt more than I expected it to, I had popcorn with maple syrup and watched 30 rock, community, and 2 broke girls (that's a lot of tv for me) and just relaxed.

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