I started reading silence of the lambs, and after only 80 pages I started to have dreams stemming about murder and I wonder if I can control, or affect what I am dreaming about. I can journal not only about what I have dreamed about, but also what I want to dream about. If I can plant ideas into my head and heart before I go to bed and have that affect my dreams and how I face the morning. Do I start reading more about dreams? Do I take an even closer look at what I’m reading? Is that slipping back into the fantasy world I was trying to get out of? Or is that different?
I watched inception, I heard someone say their daughter got it after 20 minutes, I asked myself what was there to get. I took the story at the basic level. There are many layers of consciousness that a person can get to, and there are many ways that other people can get into your thoughts and affect them for the positive and the negative. How the love for someone or an idea can push you to the edge, much like the adventure for the ring in the Lord of the Rings, there is a need to posses something great... like the inner workings or your mind.
While I was away, inside the mind of depression, I aged in a different way, everyone outside moved on, got married had children and got jobs in the field they studied for. I studied food and depression, and focused on every little breath I took to make it through, so I could get a job and look after myself. I spent every day trying to keep myself going, staying wrapped up inside my head. I worked really hard to get here.
Maybe it's safe to step outside of me. Maybe right now I'm in both worlds.