Wednesday, March 16, 2011

We Belong to the Thunder


I read that poem and thought about my grandfathers, distant and full of stores that are locked away. I thought about the distance in our relationships and realized that the whole world doesn't have the distance I keep from people. I can spend days without contact and not feel lonely. Something I learned as a child.

For a long time I've been happy with the silence between the thunder and the lightening. The place where you're in love with someone, but you would die if they ever found out. Happy with that clouded space between awake and asleep that can take up so many hours but never get anywhere.

This week I decided that maybe part of me would have to die, that I would need to walk into the thunder and I'd have to treat people like I loved them. This week I made plans to go on adventures outside of my apartment, outside of the cover of safety, not everything is coming together, but some of it is.

Part of me is feeling sad about all this progress and I wasn't expecting that; but one step at a time.


4 comments:

  1. This is an inspiring post. Life is nudging you. I think of when kittens begin peeking over the edges of the box that has sheltered them since birth. There will be one who climbs out first, all wobbly and full of amazement. The rest of the litter follows, and all are as brave as that first one...and just as amazed by what they find.

    Bless you, "kitten"

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  2. Wobbly is a great word, I'm being overwhelmed with information and emotion. It's funny you mention kittens because my friend has adopted kittens and will bring them home on the last week of april. I didn't know that but booked my vacation that week, so we're trying to work it out that I get to go with her to bring them home. There is one, and I can't remember if it's Lu Lu or Gracie that is the one who has come out of the box first and I heard the story today. Of course kittens are a great way to relate to me as well.

    Bless You as well...

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  3. Thanks, this one was tough, what I had in my mind I couldn't express fully in words. I allowed myself to want more than what I could do. Now there's even more to strive for

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