Wednesday, March 16, 2011
We Belong to the Thunder
I read that poem and thought about my grandfathers, distant and full of stores that are locked away. I thought about the distance in our relationships and realized that the whole world doesn't have the distance I keep from people. I can spend days without contact and not feel lonely. Something I learned as a child.
For a long time I've been happy with the silence between the thunder and the lightening. The place where you're in love with someone, but you would die if they ever found out. Happy with that clouded space between awake and asleep that can take up so many hours but never get anywhere.
This week I decided that maybe part of me would have to die, that I would need to walk into the thunder and I'd have to treat people like I loved them. This week I made plans to go on adventures outside of my apartment, outside of the cover of safety, not everything is coming together, but some of it is.
Part of me is feeling sad about all this progress and I wasn't expecting that; but one step at a time.