Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Haircut

I went home last weekend leaving my apartment in disarray. It was really bothering me, so when work said I could make today a vacation day I took them up on it and cleaned. The curtains and windows open the music playing and the realization that I may not get everything I dreamed of. I may not get to an Oscar ceremony, let alone win one; it may be a while before I even get on a movie set for a five minute movie again, although I did put my feelers out to get more information about a shoot coming up.

I don’t think I’ll be one of those people who are married and have children and a dog and shop for school supplies in September. I’ve always known it today I felt it and was ok with it. Felt strong and a bit frightened by the choices I’ve made.

I went to get my hair cut in the afternoon. I would rather go to the dentist than get my hair cut. I suppose I could talk to the hair dresser about movies (although I’m guessing she hasn’t seen splice or monsters) or the great vegan carrot Quinoa recipe I’m buying a lemon for when this gets done. But I don’t, instead I sit there quietly looking like I’m about to get certain procedure from Syriana done to me and listen to them talk about how sick they were in great detail.

The best part was watching H (I used to work with her at the call centre) do a ladies hair while I waited. She looked at her client the same way I’d seen her look at her three little girls. She seemed to be at peace, like me chopping avocado for my favorite salad. And I thought I don’t have children, but this is not her child, I need to bring that love and contentment with me. I need to find a way to carry that through the things I do.

My apartment was clean by lunch. I curled up with a sandwich and some left over cauliflower and ate in my PJ’s. I too felt at peace.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Dory of Apples

I set off from a beach
Of baby cobbles stones
And swaying sea grass

In the middle of the sea
There is nowhere safe
But in the Dory

No place to
Change your mind
To turn around and get out

There is no rational way
To swim to shore
Or have someone save you

My cargo, a load of apples
I was told to take oranges
But apples grow in my back yard

I dropped anchor
And climbed up high on the cliffs
of the other beach

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Mini Vacation

At my parents house for the weekend. Bonded with my favorite kitty brought the puppy a stuffed pooh bear that she’s shown to every visitor. And we were up before the sun to take pictures at a church in a neighbouring town.

I have also been given a list of Sci Fi movies better than Splice.

Friday, March 25, 2011

They'll Get Better... I hope

I wanted to write a review for the movie Splice; it’s been over a decade since I reviewed anything. I wanted to watch it and pick it apart. I wanted to learn all about it. I wanted to tell people they needed to watch it. I don’t do science fiction. I’m usually afraid that the violence and special effects will outdo the story. I was a mess after District 9 and almost took out some old lady in the tea and coffee isle because she was in my way and the movie had pushed me to a place I didn’t like.

First there are two ways I’ve noticed to watch a movie, I’m sure there are more but with my friends this is what I’ve noticed. You like, or dislike the movie by what happens “Romeo and Juliette sucked because the lovers died in the end.” or “Romeo and Juliette was awesome because the way the death is set up and getting there is timed out and weighed perfectly; this makes the ending totally believable.” I’m part 2. I like a movie with a great ending as much as anyone, but if the story tellers have done a good job getting to a tragic messed up ending I can take it. I won’t give away the ending but it’s messed up and I liked it.

There were a lot of things wrong with the movie. Clive had sex with a character that was basically his daughter. They kept Dren (the spliced monster) in a barn with walls full of holes. The tub of water didn’t freeze even though there was no heat source in the barn and it was winter time. Dren ran around in a tiny dress, in the barn, in the winter while everyone else wore jackets. And she died a few times. Sarah Polly gives her character no growth and the relationship between Elsa and Clive is dead and boring from the beginning. But I still loved the movie; watched it twice, the whole way through, both times. Trust me that’s like two thumbs up from Roger Ebert.

The good parts: The monster goes from being cute and childlike to sexy and I never I never lost interest in her. There are times when she is just a human trying to be a beautiful monster, but for the most part her Dren grows, emotes and remains interesting and dangerous.

Elsa believes Dren is like the doll she had to hide from her mother. Dren is something illegal they’ve created and that part of the story is enhanced by the doll. I like those sort of things. There’s a lot of overlapping of images; something said one point in time about one problem or action or reaction can be transferred to something else. Clive and Elsa the two main characters are like Ginger and Fred, the spliced monsters they created before Dren; they are killing each other.

I love doing things like this in my own writing and love watching someone else do it.

In a scene where Clive and Elsa are trying to contain Dren, Clive says I love you to her, this is sweet except that we never hear him say it to Elsa. It’s the way the writer/director has chosen to move the story forward and make the actions of Clive believable; the big picture comes together in one moment.

The second time I watched the movie I was writing the review in my head and thought “I know Elsa’s name, he says it all the time, but what’s his name? Elsa really only mentions Clive’s name at the very end when everything is falling apart, sort of like when you’re at work and you’ve spent an hour with an important client and they’re about to leave and you realize you’ve never called them by name. Do you even know their name?

In the begging Clive and Elsa spend too much time on Dren to see Ginger and Fred fall apart. Fred and Ginger were supposed to be the great pride of the NERD Company (OK the name is kind of dumb and obvious) but something goes very wrong in front of the news and sponsors, something they had plenty of warning about, but didn’t pay attention to. By the end of the movie Clive and Elsa have spent too much time on Dren to see themselves fall apart.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

That Crazy River

As I said, at the last photo club I was totally inspired, I had a training class around that time and I was in love with the classroom setting.

This week I was in another classroom setting and reminded that if everything is not perfect I find it very hard to learn and retain information. I was glad to have my smart friends beside me.

Back to photo club. I was sitting, listening to the presentation and wanting something like this for writing. I wanted to talk about words and sentences and bringing images to life with words. I wanted to hear people talk about the art of storytelling.

And then in an e-mail came a letter that it was world story telling day soon and story tellers were going to do a presentation at the library. I wrote it on the calendar and forgot about it.

Today I was sitting on my couch in my PJ’s reading about writing and looked at my watch. There was 45 minutes before the presentation. I thought about not going, I was so comfy and alone. Then I realized this could be the type of thing I had wanted, could be looking for.

The theme was water and the women told fables and stories and actual events. Their eyes lit up they sang songs and best of all they told stories freely.

At the end the host mentioned more get-togethers like this and even though it was not wanted I gave her my e-mail address and phone number and told her I was interested.

She looked down at me and asked “Do you tell stories?”

I answered “I have a degree in theatre does that count?”

On my jog afterwards I realized that I am now on a journey that is truly my own.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

We Belong to the Thunder

I read that poem and thought about my grandfathers, distant and full of stores that are locked away. I thought about the distance in our relationships and realized that the whole world doesn't have the distance I keep from people. I can spend days without contact and not feel lonely. Something I learned as a child.

For a long time I've been happy with the silence between the thunder and the lightening. The place where you're in love with someone, but you would die if they ever found out. Happy with that clouded space between awake and asleep that can take up so many hours but never get anywhere.

This week I decided that maybe part of me would have to die, that I would need to walk into the thunder and I'd have to treat people like I loved them. This week I made plans to go on adventures outside of my apartment, outside of the cover of safety, not everything is coming together, but some of it is.

Part of me is feeling sad about all this progress and I wasn't expecting that; but one step at a time.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Time Change Keeping Me Awake

I hesitated putting something churchy on my site, I'm not curchy, but I love the way the story is told and how the images and the rythm play together.

By George Bowering

....................Jabez Harry Bowering
strode across the Canadian prairie
hacking down trees
.................................and building churches
delivering personal baptist sermons in them
leading Holy holy holy lord god almighty songs in them
red haired man squared off in the pulpit
reading Saul on the road to Damascus at them

Left home
................big walled Bristol town
at age eight make a living
buried his stubby fingers in root snarled earth
for a suit of clothes and seven hundred gruelly meals a year
taking an anabaptist cane across the back every day
for four years till he was whipped out of England

Twelve years old
...........................and across the ocean alone
to apocalyptic Canada
.....................................Ontario of bone bending child labour
six years on the road to Damascus till his eyes were blinded
with the blast of Christ and he wandered west
to Brandon among wheat kings and heathen Saturday nights
young red haired Bristol boy shoveling coal
in the basement of Brandon college five in the morning

Then built his first wooden church and married
a sick girl who bore two live children and died
leaving several pitiful letters and the Manitoba night

He moved west with another wife and built children and churches
Saskatchewan Alberta British Columbia Holy holy holy
lord god almighty
...........................struck his laboured bones with pain
and left him a postmaster prodding grandchildren with crutches
another dead wife and a glass bowl of photographs
and holy books unopened save the bible by the bed

Till he died the day before his eighty-fifth birthday
in a Catholic hospital of sheets white as his hair

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Just a Moment

When I’m in a moment I believe it will last forever. These are the friends I will have forever; these are the feelings I will have forever. When I’m in a good place there’s a bit of a down when the happiness ends. When I’m feeling low there is only a dark tunnel, no light up ahead.

Today while listening to calls, I thought, “Today is just a stepping stone. This moment won’t be forever, today is leading into tomorrow and tomorrow has many options." The secret keeper told me change is good.

Her advice took me back, because I’m the first person to be wary of change, after all my brain believes a moment will last forever; and it gets comfortable there, good or bad. So not only have I realized that this moment will not last forever, I believe finding this treasure will allow me to be more accepting to change.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I enjoy learning new things.

I enjoy being in a class room situation surrounded by people absorbing information.

I enjoy hearing people speak passionately about what they love to do in their life.

Tonight at Photo Club it was underwater photography.

Gilbert van Ryckevorsel spoke about taking pictures in the sea and rivers.

Face to face with a blue fin tuna, a wolf fish, making friends with a school of salmon, a sturgeon, maple leaves on fire under water.

I question myself, my choices and who I am.

I’m so glad I went. I feel inspired and full and I had to write about it and share.

Follow the links to find out about his pictures and his life...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Library

It was early Sunday morning, so the rows and rows of books were not yet streaming with students. They wanted to be here, but they had forgotten how bad a hangover is when one more shot of tequila is added to the mix.

Last night, although it was on the tips of my fingers to invite myself out dancing, to hear the pounding of the bass and feel the connection with the people around me, I instead went to a movie with the bestest and we each went to our homes and crashed before most people headed out to the bars.

We are both single and strong on our own. We have friends who invite us to parties and double dates who know we're single and know that we will hold our own when everyone else is coupled up.

I don’t say “I’m not going to do this because I’m single,” but me being single controls my mind.

I’m only half thinking about the paper I have to write, the other half is wondering if I will meet him today. When I walk down the street I think “Maybe this is the guy.” When I go shopping I think, "maybe it's the guy by the spinach" and then his wife shows up giggling with a bottle of whip cream. I turn away and pick up a red pepper.

As I was looking through the poetry section for authors to write my paper on, a stranger came over and began to speak.

We went through the books and she showed me new sections to explore and poetry genres and gave me ideas that I had never thought of before. And a few times I heard her say “That makes sense.” “I never thought about that.” “I like how you think.”

When she walked away I realized in a city like this we may never meet again, but I sat down on the side of the wall and started reading the poetry she had pulled out for me. I didn’t notice the dark eyes and slow walks entering the library and looking for books, I was in love with what is in front of me.

You’re on an amazing journey right now, just as you are, and you’re meeting amazing people, making amazing connections and learning amazing things that will lead to great adventures. Fall in love with that.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

7 things you didn't know about me

I have boxes and binders of unfinished writing in my living room.

I have a lot of earrings with animals on them. Frosty are those pig earrings? Yep

I went through a phase where I only wore socks with pictures on them, even with dresses.

I was obsessed with my bookshelf and American Top 40 as a child.

I played a German man in a play directed by the secret keeper.

I crush hard on boys I can’t have.

My grandparents passed on the cow farm with over 100 head of Holsteins to my uncle. I love cows.

Sometimes when my parents and sometimes when friends come over we sit and watch the pictures in the screensaver.

I'm supposed to nominate 7 websites. There's a little bit of a problem. Most of my favorites are on the right there as followers. There's also a little group of us we seem to read each others blogs: although as I write this it would be fun to know your favorites:). So since I follow over 200 blogs here are some of my other favs.

Neon Gypsy

Alexandra Sokoloff

Mango Cheeks

ashley lorelle

Jody Hedlund

Daily Coyote

Terri Fischer

Melissa Dominic

Pink Coyote


PS Sorry for the naked woman in the video the song came on and I thought I'd use it.