Friday, February 11, 2011
OH, except "that meeting" will be canceled; so some miracles do happen
I want to lie here in my bed, all night, on my own. I really want to be alone. I like it, it makes me strong. I need to want to be here because this is the truth. This is the way it is right now.
I slip through the levels of consciousness like Leonardo Dicaprio slipped though levels of sleep in inception. I am crazy and sane at the same time.
I realize I am sad that I don’t live by my own rules 24 hours a day seven days a week, sourrounded by play and art and an insane amount of freedome like a child has and doesn't realize.
I can’t be sad in the morning when I realize I still work at a call centre. I have to look beyond the fairytales and self help books that say once I discover this one little morsel everything falls into place. There is always be something else to fall into place.
I will wake up tomorrow and I will still be me and I will never live as my imagination wishes. I have to love and be excited for what life really is. I will wake up and be surrounded by friends and challenges and words and lessons and laughter and music. These are all things I’ve gathered and worked for in my life and I’m allowed to like that, to be excited by that, to be moved by that.
This will be how I see mornings, for reality, and for what they are, rather than what they aren’t.