Monday, February 28, 2011


The get healthy go vegan cookbook by neal barnard

1 cup quinoa
1 small bag julienned carrots
Juice of 1 lemon
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 clove garlic minced
¾ teaspoons cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground cumin
3 pinches of cayenne pepper
Salt to taste
Ground black pepper
½ cup Thompson raisins

I added a can of chickpeas as well.

Bring two cups of water to a boil pour in quinoa and return to boil. Lower heat, cover and simmer for 15 minutes

Oh ha ha; the recipe says to cook the carrots for two minutes in boiling water. Too much work, I just dumped them in raw.

In a large bowl whisk the lemon juice, syrup, garlic, cinnamon, cumin, cayenne, salt and pepper. Add carrots quinoa and raisin, toss. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

Seven things you didn't know about me soon to come :)

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Find my Soul at the Bottom of a Tea Cup

The snow has covered the cars and roads while the moon walks over the night. It's name is cold. It's fingers touch me and ask that I get another quilt for the bed. While I'm up I throw some more pieces of wood onto the fire.

Each piece of wood that I gather from the front porch leaves a trail of bark crumbs into the kitchen. It is too late to worry about the story left behind. I shake loose the chopped pieces of wood and watch as sow bugs and long legged spiders run off in all directions.

The blanket covers me and adds weight to my thoughts like a seed, the soil covering it over and a touch of water convinces it to grow. The spring air still has a touch of frost forcing it to grow a little stronger, a little tougher. It’ll have to prove it’s worthy enough to poke through the ground.

I whisper into the darkness and the percussion of the fire answers. In the morning there will be a jacket and mittens that warm me like a hug. There will be big boots that leave tracks in the snow and remind those after me that I was there.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Castle

Photo Credit to Daniel Noll and Audrey Scott

Climbing out of that cliff was a castle with a draw bridge, a stables and centre court. It’s said that David was already in the piece of Marble that Michelangelo chose, all he said he did was clear away the extra stone. Does that mean that some greater being chose to put a castle here and spoke in special whispers as the young architect walked by and decided he would devote his life to this one castle in the cliff?

Later as he lay on a small bed in the servants’ quarters he watched as the castle was filled with beds and wardrobes and couches and chairs. With cloth as red as the ruby the princess wears on her left hand, brown as the chocolate made in the kitchen and blue as the tears of the peasants who lived their lives to build such a home and live in small one room huts in the lowness of the valley.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

(Not me I took the pic)

At work, I’m now away from the rest of my team, on a different floor, in a corner, yesterday was the first day up there and all the different hit me and made me cry, I just wanted sameness. Today I was up there for two hours after we had training; In those two hours I finally felt moved in.

It was fun to hang out with the training class today. They’re all people that I no longer sit with on the floor and all of them are in the small group whose calls I now monitor. It was nice to hang out with them as real people and not just to hear their recorded voices.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Bridge

In the hazy and blue before sunrise, the river tumbles down to the ocean, waves of clear water drown out the sounds of the leaves touching each other softly and the birds whispering about seeds and bugs. On the far side of the river the sun rises pink and bright over a field of open sunflowers. I decide to look for a place to cross.

The sky is still pink when a small clearing opens up with all the tools and supplies needed to build a bridge to the other side.

I find salt and pepper coloured stones round like crystal balls. Each one comes with a memory. This one says I bought myself a piano after university. This one says I eat only what I like. This one says I see the good in people and try my best to encourage them no matter who they are, or what they’ve done. This one reminds me of many jobs I failed at, trying to find the right place for me.

There is a man with a wood burner sitting over the wooden planks. He is burning pictures of people into the side. There is a picture of me and you talking for hours, telling each other what we learned in today’s adventure. On this one we are on the waterfront putting a play together to perform beside the dock. There are the nights at the hotel, when we were allowed to stay as guests in the rooms that worked in that day. There are rows of people who taught me and supported me and passed me without me knowing.

As I wonder how I‘m supposed to build this bridge, people start to come out of the trees, and sunflowers, working on both sides of the river. Throughout the day there are sandwiches (some gluten free), lemonade and snacks. When the sun sets over the horizon I walk across the bridge.

In the middle I notice the planks have no pictures and the rocks don’t tell stories. These memories haven’t been made yet. The emptiness is frightening.

Some people cross with me, some stay behind and say we’ll see each other real soon, while others just turn around and walk into the forest.

I look back, but now all that is left is the river laughing in the distance.

Friday, February 11, 2011

OH, except "that meeting" will be canceled; so some miracles do happen

I want to lie here in my bed, all night, on my own. I really want to be alone. I like it, it makes me strong. I need to want to be here because this is the truth. This is the way it is right now.

I slip through the levels of consciousness like Leonardo Dicaprio slipped though levels of sleep in inception. I am crazy and sane at the same time.

I realize I am sad that I don’t live by my own rules 24 hours a day seven days a week, sourrounded by play and art and an insane amount of freedome like a child has and doesn't realize.

I can’t be sad in the morning when I realize I still work at a call centre. I have to look beyond the fairytales and self help books that say once I discover this one little morsel everything falls into place. There is always be something else to fall into place.

I will wake up tomorrow and I will still be me and I will never live as my imagination wishes. I have to love and be excited for what life really is. I will wake up and be surrounded by friends and challenges and words and lessons and laughter and music. These are all things I’ve gathered and worked for in my life and I’m allowed to like that, to be excited by that, to be moved by that.

This will be how I see mornings, for reality, and for what they are, rather than what they aren’t.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

What 10 Bucks Could Buy in B'town Today

I’ve slowed down the blog writing. I’m taking a look at how I want to continue. January the 31 2010 was the first blog I posted. Blogging, both reading and writing, has made me stronger, braver and more connected. I have reached out to those around me and people I will never meet face to face. The comments I’ve received have made me smile and think, they have made what I’ve said and done real.

I would read a strangers blog and realize I felt too, maybe not like that but it led to a an Ah Ha moment. Writing a thought and sharing it meant that I was aware of it and started to share with friends. I was taking baby steps with emotions; taking a step, wobbling, and taking another step.

In the last couple months what would have been blogs have been turned into letters sent off to friends, too intricate to be shared, pieces of stories that involve names and reoccurring themes. This led to another event.

Under Dr’s advice I’m changing my medication around. Tonight I’m weighted and heavy and in between worlds. My job and my friendships and my health were at stake. I would have loved another option, a list, but right now there wasn’t one. I wanted him to say these were steps into learning how to live with emotions, but mine were too much.

In the past week the way I feel, and the way I feel about a lot of things has changed. There are no more sweeping goals or intricate fantasies. In a trade I’ve loved the piano and have read my books with great focus. I’m grounded and content.

I want to keep writing in the blog; it just may look and sound different and may not be as much. Or maybe in a month or two everything will fall into place again. I feel like I'll be struggling with my voice a bit.

Today the world is very different from January the 31 2010.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sleigh Bells

There was a moment when the Sleigh, bells ringing, went through the sun beam and slipped around the old house with grey shingles. My heart sighed and said this is how it’s supposed to be, simple, pigs in the barn the milk fresh from the cows. No cars or electricity.

Reality kicked in, I love too many of the worlds modern conveninces. But in that moment simple appealed to me. I felt it in my heart. So when my heart speaks I should listen.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Prayer for Music

Tonight there’s
A touch of sad
Against the finger tips
For music lost
In five years
Of silence

Magic spells
I could cast
If the play
Didn’t Stop
Tear in a puddle

Those five years
Won’t come back

In days engulfed
With other struggles
The heart did not
Hear music

There are
Notes, sounds
And patterns
A baby laughing

I will set
Sadness free
Wings and Tails
Only think
Of tomorrow
Hide and seek with Melody