Tuesday, January 4, 2011

We Haven't Failed in Letting Go...

7 women work in a room the size of my one bedroom apartment living room. The window doesn’t open and there is no air conditioning. Everyone is hot by the end of the day; everyone except me. I’m putting on sweaters on over my sweaters and shaking.

My mom and sister have both looked at me at different times and said “you’re shaking.” Once I had an honest excuse for it; 2 coffees and by two o’clock the last solid food was an orange at 10. I was waiting to eat dinner at home.

I can walk around the house without the heater on and have no problem going outside when it’s -20 with a wind chill to go for a jog or get groceries.

Last night the girls and I went to see The Fighter. By the last fight #1 was out of her seat, 1.5 was sitting there glued to the screen and I started to get cold and shiver, I was fine for two hours, but by the end of the movie I was wrapped up in the action and I was feeling anxious waiting for the end.

I’m sitting here alone, in my apartment and I’m fine. There are a ton of things I’d like to be doing at once, but I’m not cold and shaking.

Shakiness or trembling is a side effect of one of the drugs I’m on, but it’s very rare, even rarer is anxiety.

So I need to learn how to make it through a day at work without the anxiety. All my plans may have to be put to the side for a moment to work on this. I have a book on my shelf about anxiey and the internet to ramble through.

... We've Become Stronger

1 comment:

  1. I have been treated for depression (anxiety is a twin of it) and also have worked in counselling in the past. One common thread seems to be lack of attention to physical discomfort. Many people experience anxiety attacks have proved to have been misreading genuine distress signals from real physical issues - being cold is a big one - as are ignoring being overtired, ill, hungry, having to use the bathroom - even a belt that is too tight. Even if an issue cannot be addressed immediately, the mere thinking out how and when one can alleviate the problem (when can I eat? what medicine can I take? when will I rest?) You must pay attention to your reaction to physical distress, not that of others - for one thing people differ and for another you never know what THEY are suppressing.