Friday, January 14, 2011


There’s usually one small gift I buy “for me” when I pick up groceries or pick up my prescription. Until now, there’s been no thought of the big picture. I don’t think about how much I’ve made this week or how much money I have in the bank. I just want it so I buy it. These usually aren’t big things, and they don’t cost much on their own, but if I had bought everything I wanted this month, according to the list I’ve made, I would have spent a lot of money.

The feeling that I have when I walk away is intense, betrayal, I can’t believe I’m actually walking away from that little necklace, or that book I want. I keep thinking about it, on down time I’m wondering what one thing I will allow myself to get at the end of the month. I think that if I don’t get it now it won’t be there. That somehow not getting it will hurt me.

Part of me thought that I would make the list and I would realize that difference between want and need and there would be a clear “winner” but greedily I want it all. So I guess this is a good exercise.

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