Thursday, December 2, 2010

"Real safety is your willingness to not run away from yourself."

random neighbourbood cat

I created great fantasies in my head: weddings, marriages, children, parties in my perfect house with my perfect family; all that stuff. There were great meetings of old friends from another time and amazing accomplishments. I was distracted from the right now and I believe when I do it, I drain my energy.

This weekend I realized when I do create fantasies and day dreams they have to be about me achieving my next goal; for me.

If I slip into one of those old fantasies, I imagine myself running and set a goal for me. On Saturday I decided I wanted to join the charity committee. On Sunday whenever I slipped away I would bring myself back by thinking about walking up to the Charity Committee Head and asking her to include me.

On Monday I went to see her, I was so sure of myself and wasn’t scared at all.

On Sunday night I simply thought how beautiful it would be to have a baby sleeping beside me. It’s still a fantasy but I found strength and I’ve always had strong dreams about babies.

In the last 6 days I have slept harder, had more vivid dreams and more synchronicity type connections with people then I have had in a long time.

After I wrote a similar letter to the secret keeper she mentioned Pema Chödrön, so I googled Pema Chödrön and fantasy and came up with this right away.

The way I understand it is that we rob ourselves of being in the present by always thinking that the payoff will happen in the future.
The only place ever to work is right now. We work with the present situation rather than a hypothetical possibility of what could be. I like any teaching that encourages us to be with ourselves and our situation as it is without looking for alternatives. The source of all wakefulness, the source of all kindness and compassion, the source of all wisdom, is in each second of time. Anything that has us looking ahead is missing the point.

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