Thursday, December 9, 2010
Learning in Pieces
I’ve been doing my job for close to two months now, and yesterday I felt confused like I didn’t know when I was doing. My choices were questioned and scrutinized. I knew what I made the decision I did, that would happen. And it did; in public, in front of everyone.
I just realized that as I was writing this that what happened was big. Of course I’m affected. This week I’ve felt out of sorts, writing e-mails to apologize for e-mails, feeling scattered.
This morning I found a blog on monsters. I’ve never thought about monsters as a phenomenon. Monsters as a whole, something people consciously think about when they write or tell stories. What do they represent, who are they where do they come from?
When I was young, there were ghosts in our old house and I was afraid to go to bed, even sleeping under my covers. It scared the dog that I was so scared.
This morning I also found an essay called Dealing With the Self-Doubt Monster. Synchronicity folks? It says it’s ok to feel self doubt.
“If we never stop to question ourselves and our abilities… if we brush off feedback (or never seek it), then we will likely develop a higher view ourselves and our … ability than we truly have.”
“Perfection is unattainable. We need to guard against thinking we’re already close to perfect. And we need to guard against thinking we need to be perfect. Instead, we can begin to develop a quiet confidence in our … abilities—seeing how far we’ve come, but knowing we still have room to grow.” Jody Hedlund
I’ll keep going forward; I’ll take what I learned this week, and roll the above quotes around in my head and apply it to my work and my life. And tonight it’s me a pen and the world of monsters.