Sunday, December 19, 2010
As I was waking up last weekend I comforted myself with a fantasy. I asked myself what I wanted from it. Touching, holding, excitement, family, friends, emotions, shared intensity, fear of a big change, building stronger connections. I realized I had those things in reality; I just needed to know how to process them.
Yesterday, I went home to set up the tree. I went the whole day without disappearing into a fantasy. A few times I went inside myself just to pull things together, but I didn’t have to leave the room or pull out my journal. I remained present.
Home is one of the places I would disappear, even on walks with the parents I would slip into long romantic excursions with the president of the cute, untouchable boy of the month club, George Clooney, Robbie Turner, etc.
Maybe that’s why I have been avoiding going home for so long, I was building up strength, healing.
This morning, I couldn't disappear. Today, I see opportunities opening up.