Sunday, October 10, 2010

Isolation and Connection

"The suspense and tension of ‘A Single Man’ is starting to build. It was starting to overwhelm me and suck me in last night. The constant spoken word and the images that surround the story followed by the intense dialogue; I really don’t know what happens in the movie. I only know the critics really liked it and it was a movie I was supposed to watch.” Freefall from this morning’s journal…

While I ate lunch I finished the movie and am still completely blown away by it.

“The film is about romance, it’s also about isolation, and the isolation that we all feel, and I think that most people spend a good deal of our lives trying to connect, trying to connect with another person.” Tom Ford: Making of A Single Man

When I switched from the museum job to catering I wanted to know what it was like to live a few years going to parties and having a good time through work, just be surrounded by socialization. I didn’t feel I had the strength or the ability to be social outside of the workplace. In yesterdays blog I worried about going from being surrounded by all those people to being in a room of five.

I keep thinking and trying to discover ways to not be isolated. How much of my life is natural to sit and write and write and how much of it should be spent trying to connect and make friendships happen and of course how much will happen naturally.

Friendships aren't always natural to me, although a lot of great moments have happened without thought; others have taken large breaths, and giant steps forward, thinking and trying very hard to step out of the shell that is Frosty Duncan.

I loved the suspense of the gun being in the briefcase while he taught the class. The girl in blue, after it was explained that blue was spiritual. So many great moments. It made me think of friendships that last overtime and don’t just fade because things change. The conversation between George and the student as they buy a pencil sharpener.

People have always called me a writer, and I've always had goals to be a writer, with blogging and twitter I've become overwhelmed with how "small I am" watching this makes me realize I need to go back to the learning faze, keep writing of course, but there is a lot of learning to be better.

I’ve doubted the last little while about why I still try to write when so many other people are so much “bigger” at it and sitting down today and looking at this film I realize that I have to keep trying to write, no matter how small it is to the rest of the world, it’s big to me. It’s something that feeds me.

I feel sad about all this as well. I was asked to go visit my relatives this weekend, and I knew there were things that I needed to figure out. I also knew, that because of how different I feel around them, it would not naturally evolve, and because I need to spend tomorrow getting ready for the trip I needed to be by myself today.

No comments:

Post a Comment