Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Pushing Through

Most of the time I can be as sick as a dog puking up grass and still see the positive side of everything. I’d be like “Hey that grass is still green, cool!!” Or “that was the stir fry I had for lunch (dramatic pause) that was a good stir-fry!!” But the last two days have not been as good as I would like. The weekend was great. There was supposed to be a hurricane, so I got all my errands done on Friday and spend the rest of the day in front of the fan, writing journals and listening to music.

Saturday I continued writing and listened to the rain. In the evening I went to see “Going the Distance” with 1.75. She likes to get there early so we spent 45 minutes talking and spent the movie laughing till we couldn’t laugh any longer.

Sunday started out ok and then something happened. I got to work at 12 and at 4:30 RTA (job title) came over to my desk and said “You didn’t swipe in.”

I held up my swipe cards, as if holding them up would make a difference, and said “Oh.” Really there was no way to argue, who remembers swiping in when they do swipe in, let alone when they forget.

“And you were late too?”

I answered “No, I was doing floor support, so I didn’t log into my phone.”

“Well we have no record of you being here until 12:30.” At which point he hummed and hawed about having to call the boss and to see if I would actually be paid for that half hour and if I would get a late marked on my attendance. That was eventually cleared up.

Monday was a holiday and not very eventful. But there’s this dark feeling looming. I want to be excited, really I do. The 9th is now the day I’m supposed to start my new job. But today I have to go into work and see if I get Wednesday off. There are no illusions, I feel like they could change the start date on me again.

Yesterday, I heard “Are you STILL with us?” “Followed by “What will we do without you?”

My thoughts: “You’ll get someone else to do the laminating; it’s really not that hard...” Well the hard part was tracking down the laminator, but I’d done that before, and followed the bread crumbs, so it was easy this time.

SK started the countdown last night, “just one more e-mail day,” she said giggling as she left. Her excitement made me smile.

It’s a job now and I haven’t even started it yet. The excitement has been zapped away. I’m back in e-mail mode, like I could be there for a little longer; plotting out my next move, career wise, as an e-mailer. I would like to look in my own e-mail this morning and see a new work schedule sitting there. I would have tomorrow off and I’d be working 9-5 Thursday and Friday, and I could go to work and say “thanks guys” and look at my friends and say it’s really going to happen this time. I don’t feel it.

So last night I got off an hour early, read blogs and went to bed early, I could barely keep my eyes open. And this morning was just for me. I played the piano and sang (if that’s what you call it, man it’s bad) for over an hour, no run, only journaling and this. And yes this has made me feel a better. So I apologize for the wining. Just the way it is.

Photo by Mama Duncan


  1. After thinking about this, and reading it over a few times, I realize I'm upset because my projections of what this job experience should be like is not what is happening. I do this a lot, I have this idea of what something should be like and get upset when it doesn't happen that way. So step 2, see the world as it is today accept it, set goals, and move forward.