Friday, August 6, 2010

Real People

We’ll hear Monday or Tuesday. I’ve released it though; I’m not going to let it own me. I will talk to Boss on Monday; tell her I’m still very interested, as I’ve been mute all week. I was trying so hard to believe that the outcome doesn’t make a difference to me, but it does. Something was triggered something was pushed, something that tells me that changes are in the future. I know I want more.

I can’t control what the universe will bring forward, and life is twisting into a completely new experience from what I’ve known before. I feel like something will come out of left field that I’m not expecting.

This past week I’ve learned to appreciate my friends even more, they’ve all been there for different parts of me that I’ve needed help with. Laughter, friendship, worry and someone to talk to. Domer began to talk me about stress. I deal with words like, depression, anxiety, fear and anger: stress was not one of them I used. Short of the past month, I didn’t see how stress could be a part of my life when it was just me. It’s been a while since someone came to me and told me what they had learned. It sparked me to think about things I don’t usually think about.

I didn’t realize that the real people I turned to weren’t going to be Dr’s and physiologists and psychiatrists but real people in my life, right now. (See Thursday, July 29, 2010 "Go Home")

Alone came up again this week (see “questions” on August 3rd and Wednesday, May 26, 2010) and that’s what most of today was about, too raw to write about in the blog, but I feel like I faced many fears and many truths.

And I began to realize that I’ve been using the tools to battle my depression that I gathered 10 years ago, in the last year alone, my whole self has changed. So maybe my tools need to change. I looked up processing emotions after Tink told me I just needed to chill. Oh yeah, I didn’t fight the mornings this week, when I got up I played with photos, wrote in my journal, listened to music, read poetry, got for a few runs. I just needed to balance it a bit as it took a huge pull on my emotions.

There is so much more to say, and so much safe inside.

2 comments:

  1. Good luck. Hope you get the job. I always wondered if someone really monitored! Now I know.
    Kathy

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  2. Thanks, yep we get monitored, all the time, e-mails and phone calls.

    A while ago you mentioned anxiety, and I was convinced that wasn't me because I still do the task, and after this week, I vowed to look through the selfhelp books. Today as I thumbed through a book about anxiety all the things related to me was, although I can perform the task, I have to spend a lot of time and energy getting there. Thanks for sharing, even if it did take a while for me to hear.

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