Sunday, June 6, 2010

Dog Food like Popcorn

My current obsession is my writing style; I’m scared about all the failings I see it. But as I read Running with Scissors, I realize, again, as maybe I have to remind myself of this every day, I just need to write. His writing isn’t near as polished and as well calculated as Ian McEwan, but the story is interesting to read and I want to keep reading more. Sure I’d like more description and a little more length to the paragraph to feel full, but I’m enjoying it.

The story is out there. Ironman 2 left me thinking “How big can the action scenes be? Now let’s go bigger.” And this story is like: “let’s take the weirdest life we know, and add dog food like popcorn”. When I’m writing, I too like to push my imagination to the limit. I can’t be afraid, or stall when things don’t come easy. I just have to keep writing.

You see, I’ve spent a long time learning to accept the voice of the muse and allow her into my head, into my life and I let her words come alive on the page. That’s what I’ve been working on in the last year. When I post on Facebook that “I’m listening to Annie Lennox, drinking Blueberry Tea and Writing” that is in fact what I’m doing. I have scripts started and disjointed stories and now poems and blogs that are “written as they come,” ideas. Right now whether anyone sees them or not depends on if they get finished; if they get finished depends on whether or not the Muse allows it all to come out at once. We know that doesn’t happen very often. So I'm obsessed with that as well.

It’s time to take a new step. Yes I am a strong enough person to take the next step and face all the challenges that come with it. It won’t be as easy as sitting there and letting words ramble out of my head. I need to focus on making them mean something allowing them to flow together from one idea to the next. Just because they came out as a script or a short story or a poem isn’t enough or just because I have a paragraph and the words and ideas excite me isn’t enough. I need to take the next step and decide to make it grow. I’m scared because it’s hard, because it involves focus and planning and outlines. It involves something new; something I wasn’t trained to do. So often people tell you “Just get the idea down on paper”… Well there is a big shipping box of ideas down on paper all sorted out in their own special folders and there’s enough of them that they’re screaming (very loudly I might add) to become even more real.

It’s my censor, my censor is saying you have to stop writing now, you’re grammar is wrong, you’re paragraphs are convoluted and you’re having trouble making things flow smoothly. I just need to keep writing.

Unlike life, I can decide to hit the control x buttons and move the unwanted moment to another file; or go back and control v what I really meant to say.

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