Saturday, May 22, 2010

Where’s My Wyoming?


“In my ride across America [in a Vespa from San Francisco to New York] I took a sweeping path through Wyoming and fell in love at first sight, love at the very border. I felt magnetized to the land, to the red dirt and the Bighorn Mountains and the wide openness I had no idea still existed in the country.”
I longed to stay in Wyoming and was tormented at the thought of leaving it behind.”
Shreve Stockton, The Daily Coyote

I can’t begin to explain how I felt reading her paragraphs about finding home, except to say that I had the same kind of crush on her finding her place in the world she loved, as reading about Robbie Turner in Atonement… Can you have a crush on a feeling? Or is it more of a longing? Although I’m not far into the book, I have already learned from it.

In the last year of my teens and first part of my twenties the world revolved around theatre and film at a university level, studying it, seeing it, reading about it. In my mid twenties, my life turned into a search to beat the illness that had a grip on me, that was preventing me from doing theatre and film though I tried, I tried really hard to make it all work. Now I want my search to be about finding the place where I belong. I’ve thought a lot about moving back to the city and wondered if it will mean getting sick all over again. Although I’ve gotten healthy in B’town, I don’t feel like I’ve found “my place” and I wonder what step to take next.

Also, I often wonder if the nearest city is right for me (it’ll will be a stepping stone, but there are other cities other towns in this world; is one of them a perfect fit for me?). Do I wait for the universe to guide me to those places or do I plan to move on with goals and destinations mapped out in detail?

I want to find a place where my body breathes as one with my surroundings. It’s always been my desire to live anywhere and find peace within myself no matter where I am. Maybe there is an external place that will help complete that search for inner peace.

This book made me think of my passions as well, as I found it in the pets and animal section; a shelf in the bookstore that I never look at despite my love of animals. Of course my passions are words and pictures, and reading as well. The House of Bernarda Alba has made me want to read plays again, but there is also pets, (I want two cats … Benson and Stabler) a house so I can put my money into something I own, a job that suits me better and a closer connection to the arts.

What else does my body long for that it doesn’t even know it’s missing?

Usually I try to write answers. I guess today is about asking questions...

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