Friday, May 28, 2010
I Want To
Time to take stock of the spring. It’s been good so far. I feel like I’ve done more, and participated more this spring than I did all summer last year. Well, I was pretty busy for my vacation last year, but the summer last year was full of rainy days and I still hadn’t cleaned up my diet and I was often tired and didn’t want to do much but sit on the couch. I feel present this year and not following people, but making my own decisions based on the fact that I feel good and want to do things.
This month I’ve “judged” a talent show, participated in a bake sale, gone on two photo trips around B’town, and although it is a small town, there are still a few other streets I can go down. I’ve written a few short pieces that, however timidly, I’ve shared. I’ve started taking pictures again and I’ve taken an interest in other peoples poetry and started scratching at my own, gone out to movies, gone dancing with friends, started to read plays again (ok it was one, but I’m interested again) and was there to help the new hires ease into their new job.
I’m still walking carefully.
One thing I’ve noticed in the last little while has been an attitude change. Last year I would go on photo trips with the photo club and go on adventures, but last year I would think: “I need to do this, so I’m not trapped in the house, so I get out and see the world, maybe this is what will make me feel better.” This year I’ve noticed I’ve wanted to do it. “I’m going to see this movie with my friends, because I want to, I want to judge the talent show, I want to get out and take pictures today.”No one, not even myself is making me do it. It’s been very nice.