So I think I’m supposed to be a writer. Although that may seem like a logical conclusion, there have always been other options. I’ve had jobs at museums and I was bar staff and hotel staff, all while trying to figure out who I was.
I went into University dead set on becoming an actress, something I wanted to be since teachers started putting me in school plays in elementary school. A Film maker; and yes even a singer and pianist as a hobby, at one point before I moved home I was singing and paying an hour a day, although I wasn’t really good enough to share with others, I loved it. I also love food and how it affects people and thought that something along that line would be an acceptable future.
In University I got the vibe that I didn’t want to take the acting program, and was sure I’d come back to it after I graduated. Two of the professors spoke with me about auditioning and an old English teacher was quite disappointed that I decided to take the writing directing side and didn’t audition. I don’t say this to brag, but to say that it was an option, and there has always been a feeling of loss and confusion about whether or not I made the right decision.
Over the past ten years, the only thing to follow me, the only thing I can’t live without doing is writing. No matter where I am, no matter how many people I push away or pull toward me, there’s always been a paper and pen, there’s always a book or a film to inspire me to want to write more, or write something different. My imagination and heart can always find something to say through writing, it always needs to communicate this way.
Yesterday, I pulled out some of my books about writing, and followed some of the activities they had suggested; some of the places to put my brain and how to think to be creative. It made my brain go in a different direction and I brainstormed some pretty amazing (at least to me) ideas and. It made me want to write more and make more time for my writing. I made me feel hopeful about writing again.
Even if it’s never published, even if it’s only friends who get to see this side of me, I’m supposed to be writing. I am a writer.