So, yesterday was a day of realizations. I realized there were a lot of changes in my life this month, and I participated in my life not as a person with depression, but by reaching out, and starting to function as a human being. I also realized that some of my friends now know stuff about me, before I tell them, ‘cause they’ve read my blog. That was a little scary.
This month there were friends at work, who left, who were not ready to leave. People I thought I’d have more time with. People who I share stories with, who were there for me when I was having rough times, or who just knew how to make us laugh when the hours were getting long.
I participated in the community, taking the writing workshop and seeing people who were interested in writing as well. And I was brave enough to make connections with some, not to see them as competition, but as companions, people who were doing different things than I was and I could learn from them, as well as the teacher. And I was brave enough to learn about me and come closer to finding my voice as a writer and be more critical when reviewing writing and films.
It was my grandmothers 80th birthday this January. Because of my work schedule I was able to go to her party. I went out and bought her gifts that meant something to me, pieces of me that I could share with her; my favorite book (The English Patient) a stuffed hedgehog, a cute little heart necklace, and so on.
Usually I tell people not to worry about me, and they buy me salmon to fry up, or I bring the good old can of Chili. Either way, I’m separated from the others. “She doesn’t eat what others eat because She’s different.” I always felt like my food wasn’t good enough to share. For my grammys birthday, I made a quinoa salad, and shared it with the family. They said they liked it, and I brought home an empty salad bowl. I felt good about it.
I also connected to people outside of work. Since December I’ve had two people over to my apartment to chill out and talk and I’ve been reaching out to old friends and saying: “Do you wanna go for coffee or something?” Small steps I guess.
That’s just a taste of this month. I look forward to participating in February as well.