Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Old Habits

So for two mornings, I’ve done it. I woke up and didn’t move to the couch and fall back to sleep, (even though I did drag the dolphin quilt out of the bedroom with me). How did I do it? Yesterday I ate my cereal, made coffee and jumped in the shower, then, instead of sitting on the couch to drink my coffee I sat at the computer. For the first hour I didn’t do much more than surf the net and listen to music, but I was able to go through my writing and organize my story ideas. This morning, I needed to go for my run, so I couldn’t get up and jump in the shower, so I sat in front of the window and drank my coffee. I could feel my head falling toward my shoulder but, eventually, I allowed myself to sit on the couch; my legs covered by the same dolphin quilt, and read my book.

Sleeping after I get out of bed is something I’ve done since high school. I figured it started with the milk I put over my cereal. I could get up fine but after breakfast I would lay on my bed waiting until the very last second that I could put off getting ready for school.

It took a break during university. I was energized by everything new. Once I left, I slept so much it scared myself and others.

After university I thought oh I’m working hard, tomorrow I will be fine. This lasted until both tourism related jobs ended in the winter and I would just sleep for hours. My life switched from searching for projects to be involved in, to searching for doctors.

When I moved to the hotel, I could sleep for the two days that I had off. And when the Doctors put me off work for a week to change medications I would sleep the whole week, waking up only long enough to eat dinner, get groceries and watch a few TV shows.

So much of my life has improved in the last year that I was wondering why I still slept so much in the morning. I was wondering if it was the medication, if it wasn’t working, if it had side effects, especially since my diet is so cleaned up.

What if it’s just old habits? What if it’s just easier to set the egg timer for an hour and dream away instead of facing the world? Maybe it was necessary when my world revolved around depression. But there are so many great things going on. Most days I like my work, my diet is better I have a bit of passion back about my writing. So maybe what I’ve started in the last two days will be something I can achieve over many days.

Maybe it’s just a matter of habits, maybe I can train myself. Maybe I’ll have more time in a day for real life.

No comments:

Post a Comment