Friday, February 5, 2010

Managing

I managed to make it through Thursday with little more than complaints to people that I was feeling gross, and lunch seemed to put an end to the headaches and the numbness and made me refreshed. When I got home, by myself, the depression part kicked in. I had to choose between Survivor and FlashForward and it seemed like the hardest decision to make even though it was just a TV show. I chose FlashForward by the way. And then I realized that I was all by myself and I was in B’town and I wasn’t making films or getting writing published or hanging out with my city friends that are doing what I’m not. I can’t even drive a car to get to the city and that I had pretty much failed up to this point. There was a sadness that swept over me.

I thought that I was crazy to just openly share this much information with people. I thought that someone; somewhere would use it against me and that I should stop writing all together. That someone would sit down beside and say that we have all this in common, but was just regurgitating what they had read. I thought that other people would find success in their life but that it was too late for me. That this blog was just as superficial as a Kardashian TV show and how dare I think I have something to offer? I was hungry too I wanted to eat and ended up nibbling on random fruits and cereals I had in the kitchen. I went to bed early, this way I could shut my brain off.

I slept in Friday morning and went out for groceries with my parents. I had the worse time putting sentences together. Now all I want to do is nap. So I took a very warm bath, soaked in salt and minerals from the Dead Sea. Apparently, this will help pull out toxins in your body, and it feels pretty good too.

So it was a good day to watch a movie.

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