Friday, January 29, 2010


So I bought a bathroom scale today. I swore, with all the problems I have with food I wouldn’t do it. I’ve been scale free for over ten years. I would eat what I want and be happy with me and let my body tell me what it needed to do. I’ve found out a lot about what is good for me and what is bad for me by listening to my body. But just as my body told me it was ok to keep a food diary on “,” my body also told me it was time to get a scale and monitor what body is doing number wise. Plus, I was nosey, after losing a pant size and a bra size I wanted to know exactly how much I lost. I used to weigh myself at the gym, but I quit because that particular gym wasn’t working for me anymore.

I lost 22 pounds since the fall. A triumph? Yes. More to lose? Yes. A positive feeling? Yes. But I swore when I was younger that I would never be that person. I would always be strict with my food and exercise and never be there, never be someone who had 40 pounds of weight to lose. But my 16 year old self had no idea there would be so much to learn about life in the years to come.

Makes me wonder how I got to that point, but only for a moment, because I know there were other priorities. My mental health and being alert enough to make it through a day at my job were two things I was worried about. And I used to eat because I was scared that I wasn’t eating enough. I would eat an extra bowl of cereal, snacks etc. thinking that would give me back the energy that was being sucked away by the foods I was still eating that were making me sick.

So now the new food challenge is fat. I’m eating about half the fat that a woman my age should be eating. I eat mostly vegetables; eggs and seafood are the only animal products I eat (well honey too) and although I often go over my carb limit (thank you chickpeas), I usually only eat ½ my fat. That affects the vitamins I can absorb, my hair and skin, how my body deals with shock; and upping my fat intake may allow me to sit at work and not freeze, as fat helps regulate body temperature as well.

I’m thankful I am healthy enough and aware enough to pick up on things like the fat problem. And that I have the time and the means to find a solution. I bought some nut butters, soy cream cheese, soy sour cream, and an avocado is on the next shopping list. Although I don’t eat as many different foods as other people, and although at times I hate food more than anything. Today I feel more aware of how food affects me and that I do love and respect the food I can and do eat.

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