I did it. When I first moved home I set up the piano (it’s a Korg digital, but it’s my piano) in an awkward place by my bed. I tried to play it, but my heart wasn’t in it and I didn’t want my parents to come in and watch me and ask me questions. So my philosophy was: “tomorrow I’ll feel like it. Tomorrow I’ll play." In the city, I played and sang almost an hour every day. I’ll stop there; I’m totally tone deaf, I only play at a grade 5 piano level, and can only learn songs if I’ve heard them played for me first. But music is something I love with all my heart.
This New Years I started another Journal where I listed things and what they mean to me and how I could incorporate them into my life. I didn’t plan it as a New Year’s Resolution, it just happened that way. One of the sections was passions and included: writing, dancing, friends, food, theatre and music, among other things. I listed what I could do to include these more in my life; try to find one play and go to see it (those of you who live in B’town will understand that’s harder than what it sounds). I will try to take in one musical event (see above), I will join the writers federation and go to any local workshop I can (which I did and am doing) and I will play the piano for 1 20 minute time span once a week and go from there.
That was a month ago. Today was the day to try it, four years after moving home. I made sure it was during the day, so I didn’t disturb anyone in this noise free building, and I set the egg timer (on a slow day I’ll tell you about my egg timer) for 20 min and I started with the basic scales. After that I tackled “The Rose” as the range is pretty easy and “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel. There was no voice there; the muscles in my stomach and my throat didn’t know what to do, simple warm up exercises that I’d learned from theatre and voice lessons, and taken for granted, I couldn’t do. And although finding a note is tough for me at the best of times, today my attempts sounded really bad. I was one of those American Idol auditioners they let through so they can film Simon rolling his eyes, saying “What were you thinking? This is a joke right?”
And that’s what I’ve been afraid of all this time. How bad I would sound after all these years. But I did it... and I’m proud of myself. I wonder if it will take another four years or if next week I’ll take the homemade quilt off the black and whites and try again?