If I’m writing a short film, or anything there needs to be conflict and images and interesting characters. Right now I just have two characters talking and I’ve only been thinking about the inner conflict of the main character. But inner conflict is easy to write in a short story, but not so easy to put into a script without involving another character to have a conflict. The whole idea is that there is no one else in her life except for her very young daughter. I don’t want her to narrate because if I wanted a narrator I’d make it into a short story again. Right now that is starting to look like a good idea. I’m discouraged and overwhelmed and feel defeated like I’m not good enough and I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like it should be so easy. That I should just sit down at the computer and have ideas roll off my fingers and onto the screen. After all I was up early, excited about this and all I’ve done is procrastinate. I’m not sure if I should brainstorm a whole bunch of ideas, or just keep writing a first draft and hope that something good comes out of it. Right now I don’t want to write a whole bunch of stuff and have to totally revise it. But that’s what writing is.
When I left the city I felt like I was running away from everything and leaving very important pieces of myself behind; pieces that I both loved and hated, usually at the same time. I had to let things go and see what came back to me. I knew that I had to leave it behind in order to get well. The initial idea of the story has come to life with these two characters now it’s time to pull it apart again and build it back up. Maybe I’m trying to make it too much about something I don’t know. Back to the brainstorming.
Anne Lamott says just write a picture frame. So I’ll pull out some scrap paper and write a scene with her arguing with her mother that I’ve been thinking about for the last 24 hours. Yeah, I know, her mother is dead.