Saturday, June 25, 2016


There will be a time
When we have to put you down
And that
                 I don’t understand 
Because I always say
“five more minutes”
And all will be ok
But five more minutes won’t
Bring your body back

We have conversations
With you and there’s
Still a will to live
We have conversations with the Dr
Who mentions quality of life

But your body is
Falling Apart
Not saving your soul
The packaging is damaged
But the soul inside is still strong

Not how I imagined it at all

Monday, June 20, 2016


I’ve had two amazing dreams that I remembered, and wrote about, and that I am working on as stories. One is about a baby that needs to be rescued, after a woman finds herself in a band, after quitting her job and moving away, she rescues a baby and moves away and becomes a songwriter. The big thing about this story is there are big decisions to make, decisions that make the world fall down but turns the world into something better. Decisions that make the world fall down and make her scrape the bottom of the bucket of life. Only to come out happier in the end.

That’s what I’m facing right now, that’s what the family is facing and so my medicine is that I sit and write a fictional story about it and work things out.

The other dream I’m working with is a person who faked her death and is living as a stripper far away from where she started. I haven’t figured out the meaning of that dream yet but man it was powerful, and has stuck with me, and left me with feelings and a story.

My nana banana is in the hospital, she has come back to btown to live out her final days, last week it was all about her and being there for her, but there was no singing and no writing. And I can’t lose my singing again, as I say it, it doesn’t sound fair to pick my voice over my nana, especially because I’m no virtuoso, at the same time I need to spend time with my cats and myself and things that keep me feeling healthy.

Tini missed me so much last week (Izzy is happy in her cat bed, in the porch, in day light, whether I am home or not). And so far this week Tini just wants to go outside. I need to talk about my cats because Nana Banana doesn’t like to talk about cats and says “meow meow meow; go home to your cats.”

I took ½ a day off today to pull my mind around all that was going on. There’s a lot to figure out and come to grips with a lot of emotional turmoil that I sooth with singing and grow stronger with by writing and dreaming and writing some more.

I haven’t arrived at any great epiphanies but I feel more centered and more grounded and had a great Kadoodle with Izzy and a great walk with Tini. And sleep there was sleep.

Friday, June 3, 2016

The Bog

So The landlords fixed my bathroom (thanks) which meant not taking a shower for like four days. Other than the fact that I was the human equivalent to the “Bog of Eternal Stench;” by day four, with the help of a giant yard sale, I was the happiest I’d ever felt in a long time. I brushed it off as a short week of work and a little “Shopping Therapy” -- free books people... But on the night of the fourth day, I used shampoo that I read, just after I used it, had gluten.

And you know what, the next day I had that “I really don’t think I can get out of bed today” feeling I was depressed and it hurt to function.

SO it’s been four days since I switched over to a Gluten Free Shampoo. It’s Dove right now but I need to find something that’s more environmentally friendly and not f’n animal tested. I still don’t jump out of bed and take on the day like a super champ, but It doesn’t hurt so much to function.

Over a decade being gluten free and I never once thought about the Shampoo. “I’m not that sensitive.” I proabably thought.

“What do you do eat it?” asked a co worker. Apparently; it soaks in through your skin, gets in your eyes and drips in your mouth, while you’re belting “It’s My Life” at the top of your lungs between shower drops.

SO if you’re doing gluten free on your own, and you’ve forgotten to read the label on something you take for granted like Shampoo, Hand Soap, Dish Detergent, Gum, Toothpaste take a read and let yourself feel a little better.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Must Be Funny

So I’m not a millionaire yet, in fact this month is really tight, I had a budget for a little more money than what I’m bringing in right now so with that and the fact that my microwave broke I’m out about 300 dollars. 

I Say; “don’t try to steal from my house I ain’t got nothin’.”

So now I can’t do all the things I did last month and the month before. I can’t do all the things I did last year and the year before. And I’m going to have to budget differently now. I used to have enough to play with, but now I not only don’t have a lot to play with ‘Frosty Style’ but I need to take what I would have spent on fancy plates of Pad Thai washed down with mango and vodka and put it into my savings for a while there’s going to be a bit of a change.

I am also sacrificing open mic night and gulp the humongous yard sale for the local shelter. Books and shoes and hats and books and shoes and hats L. But I can do it I can be a good girl and get back into financial shape. Physical shape not so much.

It was such a treat to go out with my friends. To support the local restaurants and chat with friends who could afford the fancy nights out. Now I have to reign it in a bit. But I’m ready I played this winter and I needed it. I can go back to being and introvert this summer and taking care of my cash. 

There’s going to be a lot of tea and writing in the porch as the sun sets.

Thursday, May 5, 2016


The night grows dimmer
The candles glimmer
Listen to my eyes
What they say is wise.

My heart grows stronger
You love me longer
Listen to the eyes
We’ve always been wise.               

Dreams breathe; come alive
I feel them strive
Like a little quake
Keeping me awake.

Reach out and touch me
Feel the light that wants to be
A little like a blanket
With a spark in the dark.

The night grows dimmer
The candles glimmer
Listen to my eyes
What they say is wise.

But what do they say
When the candles play
Cause you’re the one
And only when the days done.

My heart grows stronger
You love me longer
Listen to the eyes
We’ve always been wise.

To the dance in the night
Not afraid of ghost light
Listen to the glimmer

Of my love simmer.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Cat Mama Knows

Even a cat mama knows “mama I need you now.” The sound of a little voice by the door wanting to get a leash on and go for a walk. “Mama I need treatums now” voice is the same. Tini cries for treats and food. My cat is a child. She’s a very intelligent inside cat and it’s finally spring time. She sees the birds and the squirrels and the sunlight and asks me all day to take her out and I fight it. Probably because I know there is a great possibility she will get really scared or take a few chunks out of me when she sees the neighbours or their dogs. 

But sometimes it turns out to be a perfect little walk around the house, I talk to her and let her lead me she rolls to try to get the leash off and to feel the ground or pavement on her back. We explore, we look for treasures, like poop, or the elusive mouse and squirrel that sometimes dart across our path. For a moment I relax, I stop worrying about all the Sunday chores that need to be done or how much I am going to write or sing today and I’m just with a very insightful and wonderful cat. I like her and what she brings into my life.

Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have children, especially if I think either one of them would be like my cats. I adopted Izzy to save her life and Tini to save mine and that’s what she did today. In her need for attention and outside play she led me out into the sun and onto a mini adventure around a great little houses looking for mouses and making rhymes.

Even a cat mama knows “Mama, you need me now!”

Sunday, April 10, 2016


The sun is cold
Off the snow
Off the white hair
Of the cat
Off the black back
Of the calico

The hands are cold
Like salt in
The wounded knuckles
The peppered palm
Of the dying cactus
But defenseless
In the frost

Falling snow
Crushes the
Spring heart
The summer dreams
But we succeed
In spring dresses
And winter hats
As bandages to the cold