Wednesday, March 14, 2018


It was a year ago when I last thought “I have to move back home with my parents.” And this year again the thought goes through my mind. As of last year it wasn’t an option and a received a big ol “no” when I came to my mom crying.

Last year I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it another winter on my pay. This year I interviewed for and got a higher paying job with more hours. And I have enough cash to make it through the winter a lot more comfortably than last year. But this year it still looms.

I moved home 13 years ago with a major depression, I tired to be a writer but I was too sick and sickness was all that came out of my writing. It wasn’t till I got a job and started interacting with people again that I was able to come out bit by bit. It’s taken about a decade to get gooder.

Last year the plan was to learn how to drive, keep up the job for a year or two and get a down payment for a house. If I could drive I could get a house in the country too, not be confined to a location close to work and groceries.

This week the plan was to just take a year and go on EI and live with my parents and prove to them that I could be an artist. Finally use my degree for something. Right now there’s no time to read or write even play the piano. I couldn’t play the piano tonight as I had this rolling around in my head and new I had to get it out.

I’m forty, I don’t want a job, I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder, I’m not bored when I’m home alone I always have a list of things that I need to do and they never get done I’m always exhausted.

“Maybe I’m just lazy?”

Then I heard a million voices answer back to me, “You’re not lazy.”

I’m not lazy.

Things have changed in the past ten years. A lot of things. A lot of them specifically because I have hada job and can get around town on my own and have delicious friends that get me out and about.

When I complain my mother says “Well I wish I could win the lotto for you, that’s the only way is if we have money.”

I’m reminded of high school where I was so unhappy but there was no way out because “We didn’t have money.” I haven’t believed that’s the only saving grace in this situation, but I’ve never realized how to change my thought process.

But that’s what it takes is a changing of thought process.

I couldn't make it in the theatre world post graduation. I would have needed to crash on a friends couch, and spends a year or two doing films and theatre that pay very little to prove to the world  I've "got what it takes" and earnsome industry cred.

I tried to live on my own and earn the cred, but I worked a full time catering job as well, and you can’t gain film cred when A) you don’t drive a car and B) you fall asleep on the cruddy floor of Halifax’s little cigar bar during a climatic scene.

“Dear God, all I ask is that I didn’t snore.”

SO here I am in Duncanville with two cats (They are always in the picture they are my babies) a book shelf I never have time to read and a head afraid of coming up with ideas because I'm afraid of not having time to write then out.

And for a second year in a row I want to move home, and it’s not because of money or a house, it’s simply because I want to write. Songs, poems, plays, something I’ve been putting off for 20 years, learning how to do better for 20 years and now, I need a change.

SO Now I need some ideas of how to get more time to write and still feed and shelter myself and the babies and be creative a whole lote more.

Oh and lets save the world while we’re at it.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Sand Dollar

If I were a woman
Who cared for sex
I would have it
Like shaggy
Oh but it was me

If I were a woman
Who cared for men’s antics
I would collect them
Like sand dollars
And hold them in my hand


I am a woman
Looking for love
And so I surround myself
With literature, cats, friends and music

Until I walk on the beach
And find my sand dollar

My circus... because I can

When did indifferent
Over take human compassion?
Movies, books, news…
When did the soul of breathing and likeness
Say not my circus not my monkeys?
To the killing of animals-
To the killing of children-
To the killing of adults.-

Take me from that starving child
On that street corner
On my street corner
Performing for dinner
Little jazz hands reached out
Her parents shot down
At an airport
But I guess it’s alright
Because I prayed for her
When I heard it on the news

When was saying a prayer
Or blindly opening your purse
While still taking on traffic
Solve the problems?
Especially in a universe
More directed by science
Than the power
Of a forgotten god?

And I sit here and wonder
How I can help?

I can’t open my wallet and
Give money that seems to be the answer
Give money that will help the suffering
Money does not aide any suffering in my life

And then I realize
I have a strong voice
And will use it to edit
What I see from you
Echo what I hear you say

I say I have no compassion for humans
That love is awakened with the animals
Yet nothing can cause me
Quite as much depression
As an unhappy world
An unhappy me
I am not as indifferent
To the suffering
And experience of the human
As I believe in this planet
I will not pray for you I will get out and walk with you...

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Happy "i hate you" Day

Sticks and stones

May break my bones
But your nasty words entice me

I heard fancy words
He told me he hated me
In the taste of chocolate brownies
Bake sales
Happy Valentines Day…

Couldn’t even wait till

50% off chocolates and cinnamon hearts
Mumbled something
About not being able respond
When I asked
If what he said
Was true
And then
He laughed

You see that’s how
I spent today
Because in a sea
Of I love you’s
It only takes one drop
Of random ink
To spoil the
Paper cards and
Calico cats
Wrapped in red ribbon

I see even more
Than I ever
Have before
And I have
To keep reaching
Into the light
It gets further
Away and further away
From me

You said you hated me today
Who are you?
To me?
Just someone who hasn’t seen
What I have
Now light up your
Gummy Bear world
Because I’ve been there before
Watch me
I’ll fly

Well I have a secret
I don’t hate you
I can't do it
It's my blood
Comes from my heart
And I send you love
Hope you too can see the light
That I reach for every day

Now open up your world
Because I’ve been there before
Wait a few minutes
I’ll fly
One "I hate you"
Won’t take the day away
It only make me fly

Monday, February 12, 2018


prologue: this makes me a little frightened and a little exhilarated to feel this freedom...

So  what if everything I’ve done was by a need to cede. What if everything I do is just enough to get by, but not to succeed. What if I do know the answers, but have kept myself hungry enough that I have never been able to verbalize them. What if the people I surround myself with, just solidify that I’m different and that I let them control my emotions just by them being different than I am; nothing sinister, just different enough to make me feel out of place and make me question my worth.

I enjoy reading books; so I have a distance with people who watch tv; What if I surrounded myself with people who don’t read so I can sit there and shiver and be quiet when they talk about the Kardashians.

OMG! What if I’m afraid to be challenged by surrounding myself with people who read more than I do? I like music but surround myself with people say “dang Frosty you sing a lot. Why do you know so many songs off by heart…that’s weird.”

I was listening to “Fight Song” and wondered what “I” was fighting. Is it myself? Like I think it is tonight? The biggest was not eating enough, so I didn’t get the nutrition I needed to succeed. Then what about being so swayed by the emotions of others? Making sure everyone around me is understood while everyone is taking care of themselves? Why do I have a panic attack rather then just laughing it off?

DO I search out and accept not taking care of myself because there’s part of me that thinks I would die if I succeeded? If I was truly challenged by those around me? What if I had done the acting classes and succeeded? What if I had pursued museum work rather than just letting it fade out?

What if I can collect the ingredients that make me & what I think is a good person and put that forward, rather than hiding it because I’m different?
It’s time to find people like me and stop feeling bad that I’m not like the people around me. It’s time to rise up to the challenge, that maybe I have been my greatest enemy.

SO what happens next? I give myself a whole lot more credit than what I have given me, I can do it: because I am strong, smart, and healthy.

I remember that Dr. Asking me if I thought I was a better person because of what I excluded from my diet. I’ve only seen it as another bit of me being different, what If I surround myself with people like me and we fly together.

Thursday, February 1, 2018


One thing I was introduced to early on in theatre was creating a mandate for your theatre company. Well what about a mandate for how I am going to help the animals? (I have one for writing – somewhere -but it needs to be updated)

I’m going to start of with what I know best. How happy it is to be part of an animal love. I can start out with positive animals stories, the little calf that made it to a sanctuary the cats like Izzy and Tini that made it to a home.

I started reconnecting to groups that help with rescuing pets the cats and the dogs.


I also don’t do dairy or anything that walks on land, so I want to help people choose less meat for their diet. I can’t become vegan tomorrow, lord knows I tried yesterday, but I know how to eat clean and make healthy choices that don’t involve steak, chicken or bacon, or milk. I can share great information about healthy veggie recipes. I’m walking proof that you can be strong and healthy and not eat land animals. And that’s a start.

I know I don’t want to be hit over the head with cows being shot in the head with a bolt, so people can eat them, so I’ll approach it a little calmer at least in the begging. Protect people but still leave them asking questions. “Why was it so important that this cow ended up at a sanctuary and not on someone’s table?

I want to appreciate my goals and other peoples goals and movements, I have to stay true to my truths about what I know and feel, and hear how other people feel about something so “sacred” to them as eating a big steak or not properly taking care of their animals.

I need to understand why I do it and just as well, understand why others think the way they do.
So Goal Number One is speak out for house pets and spend a couple months knowing what is out there and How I can donate what little time I have (there’s no money) to helping the cause.

So Goal Number Two is food and making sure that people really understand that not only is it not a choice that I don’t drink milk but also why I decide to NOT eat meat. And understand how to promote and stand up for things that I believe in. I don’t want people to think it’s something they have to apologize to me for. It’s my freedom to not eat something living.

Short Story I was at work and offered a cup cake I said “no” I heard “Oh that’s right you don’t eat anything that has delicious in it.” I realized they didn’t get the point. Some of it is not my choice, but a lot of it is and We need to share why we decide not to drink milk and eat bacon. We need to know why we decide to put into our bodies what we do. 

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Return to DreamForward.

Dream Forward, so for the last year, the guy down the street has been asking me to join his political party. And I’ve wanted to, I believe in this party, my family believes in this party, the new leader is fabulous and I would like to be that kind of person “save the humans.”

Dream Forward, so my friend that I look up to when it comes to saving the animals is very sick, cancer, fuck cancer, and maybe there needs to be people to step up to continue the fight, we’ll never be as awesome as she is, but we’re needed now.

Dream Forward. I follow my passion for music and writing, I listen to my body for food, now I have to commit to the animals. I can commit to eating less fish and eggs until I reach vegetarian and maybe even vegan status (fish and eggs are the only “meat” that I eat.) and still be healthy, it’s not something I can do today but it’s a goal.

Oh, says I, and my dream forward mentality, I don’t usually have goals I want something I do it now. 

Goals, Miss Frosty, Goals. 

It is also a goal to scrape away all the fear and doubt I have of making a commitment to the animals and step into the roll. It’s a goal, I don’t have to be super animal saver tomorrow but I’m pushing away all the distractions.  Will people laugh and ask stupid questions? I made a decision that right now, my passion is animals and of course healing from depression (I can have two like music and writing.) And right now that is what I’m doing.

Good day

I said Good Day